~雯情思意~ Be my dramatist, Be my shadow

When I'm at this phase of my life

2010-07-21T02:58:00.005+10:00

When we were young, our world were small and simple. We took our fortunate as pampering and we grumped over things that didn't go our way. You expected compliments when you did the right thing or have done a great job. People did not blame you for mistakes that you've done coz you're always given a second chance. They don't criticize you if you have bad habits or behaviours because you are always expected to learn it by yourself one day.

And then one day you woke up, you realized that you were a grown-up and the real world began to strike you so hard. You went through a phase where you realized that you are not perfect and attention was not always on you. You started to wonder why the world starts to turn their back on you and you kept stumbling over mistakes and criticism. As days passed by, you have more things to discover to the point where you think you are always right and the world is always unfair to you. Then, when things start to get worse, you sit back and think, "what is wrong with me?". Just when you started to talk to a friend and finally found out where you problems are and thought you've found your solutions, you found that things again don't go your way. And this time, you can't just grump and get away with it. You sink into sadness and loneliness, feeling helpless and you feel insecure about the whole world. When you thought this is like the end of the world, you find that worse things are coming in the way. You struggle to accept the fact that you have more mistakes and imperfections than you thought. So you keep on moving and stumbling, falling and crawling back to the reality. When you finally get through this you are calm and think back "That was just a small silly problem and I could handle this". So you are filled with hope to face the world and ready to take another challenge ahead of you. But it never stops, you keep getting disappointed and you realize there are so many things that you need to learn and the changes keep evolving that you can't breathe. As you see more of the world, you know that you aren't perfect, maybe not even close to good, or average, maybe you are just a piece of crap.

But you are young.

You just have to keep walking and keep finding out, accept every criticism you get, realizing how weak you are right now and forget about how awesome you used to be. You'd rather realize all your worst attributes now and correct it than realizing it later when you have so limited time left with to rectify the situation.

And then, finally, you will stand at a point, where you realize, each teardrop was so worth it, and smile over how you get through that quarter of your life.

So no matter how terrible I feel now, I know I still have the capacity in my life to explore, and to change.

You ain't bad, you just need time to be better.

=')

For my best friend, Karen Kok Hxx Hxx =)

2010-06-05T01:36:00.002+10:00

This is a post of confession, not like a public confession for a guy but for my best friend here Karen Kok lol

I don’t know but I just feel like blog is always where I can convey msg to you, I don’t know when will u read this but I just hope u see this, at the end of the day.

I’m glad, that you’re moving on well with your life *truly from my heart* =) But I’m upset, coz I realized all this while, we have always been friends who only share each other’s unhappiness and miserable feelings. I hope u realise that Che Shiau Wen is a girl who doesn’t know how to show care for the others and doesn’t know how to please the others (you know I can’t even express my care to my love ones, lol). Therefore I can only use the simplest and most straight forward words to tell this to you -- Im sorry that I might not be the best person you can talk to, or the best listener to you, but I care for you my tarleeeng (LOL), I’ve always tried to know you better or get to know more about your life but I always failed.

I wasn’t upset just because we didn’t have the time to hang out, but because I hate that when you’re living well and moving on right now, I failed to share, and I couldn’t share.

You’re leaving to Perth soon and I really hope before that, we can truly become frens, who not just share when we need each other, but also share our happiness together.

Coz this what a friend does, no?

LOL

what's gonna make me happy?

2010-05-31T21:53:00.004+10:00

I came across someone's blog that says, "blog is not supposed to be a space for ppl to post emo stuffs, it's for ppl to share their fun and happiness" , is that so? so i guess it's torturing for ppl who read my blogs yea?

Hey i don emo all the time, i just don blog when i m happy, lol

But im emo now, so i blog

my life gets kinda boring now
no sparks
no fun
nothing that can make me laugh

what about chanelle's rules of living life to the fullest, live life to the max etc etc.. arghh.. all those young times...

im emo,

my best fren dont hang out with me
my bf is thousand miles away
my low self esteem is haunting me
and the one that makes me laugh?
sigh

so here m i, with my lonely laptop and quiet house

someone tell me,

whats gonna make me happy now?

I can't forgive you

2009-10-13T20:17:00.002+11:00

yesterday i forgot
and now
the voices came back again
every single words,
the same rhythm,
the same melody,
flows through every single cell of my brain

I couldn't let go
when it was something that was so cruel
that pulled me away from you
that breaks down the trust in you
that ruins the security wall i've built from you
How could I
How would I
forget then?

I recall
your care
your need for me
your love
your patience
They all but look like a lie now

I wouldn't trust
I wouldn't drown
no more

I can't forgive you for saying those words

Never

不肯。不能。但已经。变

2009-07-22T02:12:00.002+10:00

味道不同了
是口味变了
还是感觉不一样了？

或许
味蕾坏了
所以再也尝不到满足

也或许
是脑勺停住了
忘了从前的那个滋味

还是
大家都变了？

餐馆已经不像从前那么华丽
食物已经没有了从前的滋味
前面的路好像比以前漫长了
不再像从前一样渴望，渴望这一段路可以永远走不完

我不喜欢
真的很讨厌
现在的味道
现在的感觉
现在的滋味
现在的
自己

我恨现在的自己
逃不出自己手中的线
走不出自己的范围
就像一只不肯放开手中的芝士的老鼠
像一只留在主人屋里，不肯去流浪的胖狗
像一只久久停留在自己霸到的树枝上的无尾熊

鸟笼里的麻雀
如果把你放了出去，你真的会比较快乐吗？

鱼缸里的鱼儿
把你放回去海里，你不怕被鲨鱼吃掉吗？

把胖狗和主人分开
真的

会比较好吗？

还有胖狗啊，你的朋友们呢？你都不要了吗？

[。。。]

Gucci? Chanel? SLAP ME!

2009-05-11T15:08:00.004+10:00

I AM SO DAMN FUCKING stress with all the assignments tests exam etc etc etc. i am SOOO stress that my emotion fluctuates like the weather in Melbourne. i was even struggling to look for something which can make me laugh.

Just when i was thinking how can i possibly get rid of all these things to release myself, i thought of my blog. Not movies, not karaoke, and definitely not clubbing, YEA it was when i blog only i can really sit down and totally release everything.

I dont know.

I have a uni final year phobia.

I have no life. I need to work, work, work and work throughout the whole week every week, from monday to sunday and from morning to the next morning. i can't even rest/sleep. i've never imagine i will need to deal with my uni works to this extent. For the past few years i always believed that when you need to study, you study, when you need to play, you play, when it is time to rest, you rest

but now, when i need to study, i study, when i need to play, i study, when it is time to rest, I STUDY!!

EVEN NOW that im trying to relax by simply blogging and listening to michael buble's songs, my phone just keep fucking ringing, where my assignment groupmates keep calling up to ask about our assignments and stuff. SEE, I TOLD YOU, I JUST CAN'T REST!!

I've never been the GEEK+NERD type. i dont study 24/7 but instead i do it last minute. And i just can't believe that now i have to go the geek way.
you might ask why then i have time to blog now?
people, i am actually really tired now and i need some sleep. i have very serious headache right now coz i slept at 5am in the morning the previous nights. But just when i try to close my eyes, the phobia feeling just kept disturbing my mind and i can't fall asleep. And i need to release all of these out.

This is final year.

So you might say, well you are in final year as well but you are not as stress as me?

let me tell you the reason.

when you worry about all your assignments, tests and stuff, you worry about your future. I hope you dont say that im thinking too much. But think bout it this is my final year and next year, IM GOING OUT TO WORK and there it goes to my new TOTALLY independent life. i gonna earn money on my own, spend on my own and etc etc.

IM WORRIED!

I m so regret that i didnt go for any internship before this and this just keep disturbing me this year. All my frens around me had done at least an internship before and this had almost became a prerequisite for you to get a job. I have no working experience and now i realized how this gonna have a huge impact on my job hunting later. And therefore i need to at least score very very very very very very high for this FINAL year to compensate the fact that i didnt have any working experience b4. you might say that well good results doesnt guarantee you a job! YES I KNOW!!! but at least i have something impressive in my resume right???

Now that it's economic downturn period and I HAVE NO INTERNSHIP EXPERIENCE! who is gonna hire you?? wtf!

and thinking about it my resume is gonna be so damn worse than everyone around me that i know
so what if im active in uni organization activities? people have working experience!
so what if i've organized many activities b4? people have damn nice testimonials by the company they worked in b4
so what if i'd got very good results in my studies? people had been joining international business-related competitions and some even are in the dean list of the course!

here was the conversation that i just had wif my fren over the lunch :

I: well i really don't want to work in Malaysia. I wan to get a job in Singapore. RM2400 per month offered in most of audit firms in Malaysia is NOT ENOUGH for me at all!

He: (pointing to my gucci bag) yea, you can only get 2 or 3 chanel or gucci bags with that salary right? *laugh*

I: NO you can't even buy a single chanel bag with only RM2400

He: *roll eyes*

well SLAP ME! wat was i thinking??? how can i think of my salary in terms of number of bags i can get?? The thing is that if i don't think about gucci or chanel bag at all why can't i survive with only RM2400? The thing is that when it is ALREADY so hard to get a job then how can i be unsatisfied with that RM2400?? SLAP ME!

I SHOULD BE SATISFIED WITH WAT I CAN GET! slap me! SLAP ME!!!!

stress stress stress stress stress stress stress IM JUST FREAKING OUT!

GRRR... my phone rings again
bye guys!

the bitches-night-out =)

2009-02-05T17:48:00.006+11:00

So here are the pics with the biAtch!! gals-night-out in The Curve. Wat a fabulous night =)

LOVE YOU GALS SO MUCH!!! *WINK*

Guys, do you know how to earn MONEY?

2009-02-05T17:18:00.003+11:00

You like to talk big, think big, but can u do it big?

Guys, alwiz talking bout politics, business, future, money, but in fact, how much do u kno, how much can u manipulate, how many things that u're talking about are in ur control?

Funny, when i see you guys lacking so much patience, i doubt ur life can be successful. Guys, patience, capability, imagination, thoughtfulness are ur key to success. Oh well, i don't see them in your characteristics right now.

you don wan to tell us, don wanna teach us, coz u think we dont understand... coz we are gals, gals, supposed to juz stay home and cook, huh?

come on, jz bcoz we are gals, it doesnt mean we wont learn, it doesnt mean we wont know, and it doesnt mean we won't dominate.

Sometimes i hate myself to be a gal, a gal whose life get surrounded and influenced by guys' manipulation, whose vision is not as good as guys'.

But there r 2 things we dominate. Patience, and Thoughtfulness.

Oh well. I don't think you guys are that capable.

when i heard u complain, for example, about ur relationship so much.

Bcoz lil thing like this u cant maintain, lil character like ur gf u cant take care, then plz dont talk bout BIG MONEY.

And a gal, alwiz stays the last in a guy's heart.

Ain't I right?

Funny.

2009-01-14T04:23:00.003+11:00

Funny when i realized im getting more n more demanding bout my life, not just being demanding, but im doing something for it right now.

Ppl tend to get more realistic and materialistic when they grow up, isn't it? Especially when you're more exposed to the cruel and ironical world out there. Pathetic, huh?

So, this is 2009.
well, i don't feel new at all, juz feel a lil older.

think bout it, stepping into 2009, im aredi 2* years old (well, quite reluctant to tell my age), im an adult now, completely, well not really completely, still few months to go. And there r so much things in my head now, and so it tells i wanted more things than ever.

i guess it's just time for me to become more realistic, juz a lil more.

i can't tell lies, i have to live better than now, way better. Stepping into 2009 makes me consider over again wat's actually important now in my life. And i wonder if you can give me that sort of important things in my life.

Maslow's need hierarchy. physiological needs, safety needs, social needs, esteem needs, self actualization needs.

Maslow says once u achieve a certain level of need, you will need the next level of needs for your satisfaction.
I achieved only physiological needs, but i'm aredi demanding things beyond self-actualization needs. And according to Maslow, only a small percentage of population reaches this level. How sarcastic it is, HA...

the more i see, the more i want. Don't stop me from competition, i can never stop comparing, it's my weakness.

i compare, i get jealous, and i want it all.

Chill, i'm not that scary. =)

Just how nice would it be if i can have more girls hang-out session just like the other night in The Curve with both of you. =) Although the consequence after that outing wasn't that good, but i think we just need more sessions like dat to criticize the world, to tell each other how strong we actually are (as compared to another species, you-two-know-what-i-mean, lol), to throw everything aside and be naively crazy for a few hours, and to wake those confidence in ourselves.

It's fun, isn't it?

I love you guys. LOL

How much i love them? more photos coming up soon
WAKAKAKAKA.
see, i said im not that scary. ^^

你要我们女人扮演什么角色？

2009-01-05T18:52:00.002+11:00

现在的女人，往往都得扮演无数的角色，从扮演女儿，到为人女友，到为人妻子，到为人媳妇，到为人母亲，到为人员工，到为人上司。

女人，所承受的压力，不见得比男人少。

你们常说，我们女人所要求的太多，洋人说这叫作demanding。
但是想一想，你们何曾不一样？

你要我们自立，不用让你们操心，我们就得把委屈往自己身上吞。
当我们自立的时候，你们就会嫌弃我们不懂得撒娇，不够依赖你们，不够温柔。
你觉得我们都是你黑帽里的小白兔吗？

变！

自立

变！

温柔

变！

自立

变！

撒娇

我们，就是得在你拥有不同的心情时，扮演不同的角色。角色扮演错了，你们就觉得我们是负担。那，当我们委屈忍痛的为你扮演着这些角色时，为什么就不会觉得有负担？

男人要事业，须要闯，女人又何曾不是？
只是，你有没有想过，女人在外，要顾虑事业，而在内，又得懂得体贴男人，得做男人背后的女人。家务，洗碗，打扫，顾孩子，这些事务都往女人的身上推，而你，从外工作回来，就只是翘脚翻开报纸，或倒头大睡，连个拥抱也不赏一赏辛劳的女人。那试问，在现今社会里，有事业家庭的男人，和有事业家庭的女人，谁比较累？我们的苦水，要往哪里吐？

为什么现今的CEO，老板，大部分都是男人？为什么大部分的女人就都只能停留在high-level management的位置？调查显示，这不是因为女人无能，而是因为当女人升职到一个阶层的时候，就得开始分身扮演不同的角色，再也无法完全专注于事业。因为女人，为了爱，为了家庭，她愿意牺牲。女人为了爱，什么都可以牺牲。

男人以理性做事情。
女人以感性做事情。

当你们埋怨女人不够善解人意的时候，可不可以也为女人善解人意一下？

你不是魔术师
我也不是你的小白兔
与其你要求我们在你需要时变得温柔，不需要时变得自立，何不你们在我们自立时变得支持，温柔时变得感激?

为什么一定要我们变？

Sad New Year.

2009-01-01T05:41:00.001+11:00

bcoz i feel unwanted

everywhere,

from everyone,

including those important ones.

Happy New Year everyone.

who should we trust, then?

2008-12-18T04:12:00.003+11:00

y never blog anymore? ppl have been asking...

in fact i have many half-way-done-post in my draft.. i started off with some emo sentences of one or two, and then i gave up. As usual, i'm lazy, even to scratch my head and think of words that could express my feelings, so, i usually cut my blog off, with some emo songs, some fashion magazines, and an emo me lying on the bed, or by getting my butt off the bed and drive out, for some laughters, some frens and some drinks.

I supposed to be happy right now, i think, but no?

Reading thru the magazines, papers and some so called "international best-seller" self-help books, people had been talking about what a woman should be like in the recent years.

Independence, Intelligence, Selfless, Sociable, Love herself, Live herself.

The IISSLL.

Maybe i should add another L behind the IISSLL. Loneliness.

Perfect, confident, outstanding, capable women nowadays, striving hard to catch up with the modern-days-women-life-style, and very often, leaving something behind that they ll never speak of, they feel lonely, too.

Women's nature, so soft, so sensible, how can they be so strong that they wont need any pamperings or love? Smart women pamper themselves, by pouring exceeding love onto themselves, by getting the labels, by being selfish and self-protected, by not looking any vulnerable.

And nowadays, VANITY is even more important than VIRGINITY.

It is so disappointing.

who forces the women to move forward like dis? who left women no choice but to build confidence in themselves BY THEMSELVES? when ppl complain bout women nowadays are getting more materialistic and demanding, but think, who make them move towards this extreme side? why do songs like "I don't need a man" and "If i were a boy" keep coming out?

because of the species that is weakening years by years.

you can't provide us with confidence.
you can't give us your words.
you can't assure us with your behaviour.
you can't make us respect with your attitude.
you can't secure us with promises.
you can't love us with sincerity.

So, we choose to build our own confidence.
give ourselves our words.
assure ourselves with our own behaviours.
respect ourselves with our own attitudes.
secure ourselves with our own promises.
and love ourselves, with selfishness.

Because,
you made it hard for us.

*** There are so many god damn gorgeous people outside in the city, but in the end of the day, you just want to be with the one who makes you smile ***

i just love this quote =)

:'-)

2008-10-30T16:08:00.002+11:00

我想笑

大声的笑
疯狂的笑
捧腹大笑

尽情的, 开心的, 忘我的

笑

只想

真正的笑

*** just a smile, i wish***

Because i'd got you <3

2008-10-03T17:30:00.014+10:00

第一次因为气喘的邂逅

第二次在晚宴上的巧合
第三次在办公室的碰面

我认识了你

从一起msn到一起吃早餐

从一起吃早餐到一起上课

从一起上课到一起看In Brudges

从一场In Brudges到一起吃晚餐

从一起吃晚餐到一起逛街

从一起逛街到一起做作业

从一起做作业到一起"Il Dolce"

从一起Il Dolce到一起唱k

从一起唱k到一起BBQ

从一起BBQ到一起看wall-E

从一起看wall-E到九月二十一日

我们一起，在一起

我的MR.GOOD, 变成了我的MR.RIGHT =)

结束了两百六十八天的孤独

我有了你

喜欢有你

喜欢那一天在戏院里你突然的牵起我的手

喜欢睁开眼睛看到你

喜欢你做给我的早餐

喜欢你用命令的语气说：“洗碗！”

喜欢你用疼惜的眼神看我

喜欢你说跟我在一起很舒服
喜欢你向我撒娇

喜欢我的生日会上有你

喜欢你送我的手链

喜欢你为我安排的生日晚餐

喜欢在血拼时看到帅气的衣服会想起你

喜欢你怕我生气的样子=p

喜欢你抱着我让我取暖

喜欢疼你

喜欢想你

有你真好 =)

好像

2008-08-18T23:59:00.004+10:00

好像已经没有了文字的灵感
看了看之前写过的blog和文章
发现我的生命里
好像缺少了些什么
可以让我把一切一切的空虚无奈
给发泄出来

好像已经没有什么事
能过让我尽情的诉说

好像已经没有什么心情
值得让我去描绘

就好像心被挖了一个洞
找不到底
找不到边界
装进了什么东西
都会很快的消失
整颗心空荡荡的
什么都容纳不下

有些朋友说
我很爱笑
说我的笑点很低
无趣的
无聊的
冷的废的
我都会捧腹大笑一餐

有些朋友却说
我很不开心
每一次见到我
总是一副沉重的表情
好像有什么事
藏在心里
想说也说不出来

现在只有一种心情
想闭起眼睛，想好好听一听歌的心情
空空的
惶惶的
晃晃的
那是一种
想休息
想微笑的心情

第两百三十五天了
最长最长的
一段自己坚强
自己努力的路

哪一天
我会把这条路走完
然后发现
他就在前面迎接我
让我能够安心的靠一靠
安心的休息一下？

还有多少个两百三十五天？

Just so Melbourne =)

2008-08-17T00:24:00.021+10:00

hmmm... this gonna be a long post, lol

just played badminton today, i felt so GOOD!! it'd been like AGES ago since the last time i did sport... n now...im falling in love wif it! i m so gonna learn tennis soon! ^^ no longer a lazy-bum-aka-sports-hater!! (hmm... influence of Olympic??lol =p )

Life in Melbourne Uni had been reali hectic.. Assignments, events organizing, events helping up, tests... but of coz... 那是一种一起吃苦的幸福！haha...

there was this Melbourne Uni Overseas Student Service(MUOSS,which keeps me busy all the time =.= ) Intro Night in this restaurant named VONS along elizabeth st, it's nt bad tho, i love it

Tresurer, Liason Director and the Activities Officer ^^

The Outcoming Publicity Director aka Incoming Secretary Kelvin Taing!!

And us, the MUOSS slaves~~ lol

Coming up next, if u can still remember, proudly presenting

the Chinese Theatre Group (CTG) !

Poster run in Boxhill~

Publicity crews~

not forgetting to cam-whore while doing works =p

And yep, the Chinese Music Group (CMG) camp! it was a huge success!! phewwwww~~~ THANKS GUYS! =)

eh hemm... well...not forgetting... u have to go club ONCE IN A WHILE after so much hardworks =p

Billboard during Olympic night!

miss u ah bird!!

yea just so busy
just the life
just so melbourne

= )

BUT OF COZ , i miss malaysia tho ^^

miss my babies~

muaxxxx muaxxxx~~~

and of coz the most important persons in my life, my family =)

Jogoya @ starhill.. owh i love my dad, hehe

posing on the top of KUALA LUMPUR! =p

Dont worry mom, dad

i miss u too =D

now i believe in one thing...

**************************************

as long as u'd started doing something

whether it is successful anot

u will stil get something in return

**************************************

i truly believe that =)

祝福你

2008-08-06T02:42:00.003+10:00

i saw them...

sweet and pure, just like any other time when i had u b4

i smiled

i reali did smile =)

u've found ur happiness

the happiness.. that i used to share wif you long time ago

finally,

u'd got someone who worth ur love more than me

im truly... feeling happy for you

at the same time

regretting that i never appreciate it

when u shower all the care and love on me

But im glad.

really glad. =)

我看见了

一张又一张，甜蜜的，纯纯的，就像是很久很久以前，我是你的公主时一样

我笑了

我真的微笑了

因为你找到了

多年以后，找到了你的幸福

那种，曾经属于我的幸福

终于，

你有了那个值得让你去爱的她

我后悔，

没有好好珍惜，一次又一次亲手毁掉

你给我的，满满的疼爱

公主的角色换了

爱来过

那是多久以前的事了？

A post which you don't have to read

2008-07-08T17:16:00.005+10:00

supposed to update bout CMG camp which Desmond and I organized b4 holidays, but due to the internet problem here, i hardly upload photos and even hardly sign in MSN!! >"<

oh yea im back in Malaysia!! =)

somehow i miss melbourne loads, why?

something here which disappoints me?
or something over melbourne which is bothering me?

How could i describe the feelings of it? when u get so excited to meet ur old frens but it ended up not as u expected?

i felt reali glad when i heard dis on the phone " SHIAU WEN U R BACK??" , just a simple phrase but i just could taste the appreciation in it.. i would be happy enough to see them, my frens getting surprised wif my return in malaysia, but how disappointing it is when i called, she/he just never pick up, or just ignore my misscall, i could imagine the way she/he goes like "oh shiau wen is back", and then just throw the mobile away and don even bother to give a f*ck on it... well... people change, even when you think u have great and treasurable frenships wif them.

Flipped thru my primary school autograph last nite when i was bored to death but yet couldnt fall asleep. I just realized i reali wasnt an adorable kid since young. Everyone in my class actually didnt like me, and when i complained bout why were there so many rumours and critics bout myself during high school times, and when i thought all of those arisen from jealousy and narrow thoughts of humans, i actually didnt realize there must be something in me which irritates people around...

thinking of the life im having now and the life i used to have, it is a huge difference and i feel so contented for learning so much bout myself. All these while i've been minding everything on surface, i used to think ppl only judge a book by its cover, people judge a person oni by his/her appearance, and so i oni did everything that i could to polish the cover, thinking that people might be pleased with it, but i was just so wrong. Thoughtless people see things oni on surface, but for those who are wise enough, they look into your heart.

Because now, i look into your heart, to judge you.

so wat if the book cover is so old that u don even wish to give a glance on it, so wat if the book cover is so colourless and dull that u just wouldnt get to notice it? there is alwiz someone out there, will open it up and read it if wats written inside worth you an appreciation, as long as the reader feel comfortable reading it.

people like you when they feel comfortable to be wif you
people don just like you bcoz u look very good

Officially, im now so confident to say, "goodbye the old me" =)

最痛的一篇blog

2008-06-24T01:37:00.005+10:00

i just feel like

CRYING!!!

cry my grief out
cry my ambiguousness out
cry my inferiority out
cry my yearning out
cry my tears out
cry everything out!

had never been so helpless like this
and when my tarleeeng karen is not here
and when i have no one to talk to
and when my piano is so far away that i cant use it to release everything
and when i cant draw my sadness out as i really don kno wat kind of shape i should give it to show how depress i am

anything? anything? anything?

anything can make me laugh??

will i ever laugh happily truly from my heart again?
when i face all these uncertainties,
and all those betrayers out there,
and all these silly thoughts that nobody could understand,
and all this while that i wish myself to be hugged by you...

"you will laugh, when something really funny happens"
the quote from the new movie "Sex and the city"
yea im waiting, waiting for that something that is really funny...
to make myself really really laugh out loud...

a square screen in front of me

a huge stack of notes on the table

a pair of trembling hands on the keyboard

a whole list of emo songs

a strong ache on my heart

a cup of tears flowing on my fingers

a desire for love

and YOU out there

can u hear the pain from me?

悲

2008-06-21T22:42:00.003+10:00

改不了，怎么都改不了

他说：“别难过，你还有我这个朋友”

她说：“他说，他不喜欢你。”

背叛，憎恨，嫉妒，虚伪，心寒

这个女生，已经尝试过，努力过

但从来没被认同过

江山易改，本性难移

她恨，

小时候不听妈妈话

长大后不听爸爸劝

懂事后才怨

亡羊补牢，根本于事无补

请相信她，

她真的在努力

只希望，

她身边的朋友

不再埋怨，不再讨厌，不再投诉，不再背叛

如果决定了留在她身边

就好好的在她身边

慢慢的看她改变

给她一次机会

不要就这样走开

她

知错

但没辙

她真的

很想要大家的认同

认同她

真的努力过

我真的真的

在很努力的变得开心

Anyone staying? =)

2008-06-13T04:12:00.002+10:00

she walks away

he walks away

they walked away

Like a random walk, u can never expect when are they going to depart

entering my life

and then leaving

but as long as you stay

im all fine. =)

Highly recommend this song：最美的痕迹，by 柯有伦。

坚强对我来说是种奢侈病
未来的路总是毫不确定
人总是喜欢着欺骗自己
把所有的痛全部都埋在心里
把悲伤变成一首浪漫歌曲
镜子里面现在只剩自己
忽然天空下了一场好大的雨
它好像慢慢地把我打醒
谢谢你在我生命里留下了最深的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定
谢谢你在我生命留最美的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定

把悲伤变成一首浪漫歌曲
镜子里面现在只剩自己
忽然天空下了一场好大的雨
它好像慢慢地把我打醒
谢谢你在我生命里留下了最深的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定
谢谢你在我生命留最美的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定
抱着你才会看见的奇迹
oh~要怎么才能继续
靠近靠近 oh~
谢谢你在我生命里留下了最深的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定
谢谢你在我生命留最美的痕迹
我们还是不相信永远还是不能确定
谢谢你~谢谢你~真的只想说 *=)

Random talks on this random day

2008-06-02T12:27:00.018+10:00

somehow someone since some time earlier named me as 小绵羊 (little sheep)

and so this someone on some random days drew this on some random papers

Just in case u cant see the chinese words up there, it is "呕水-ing" with 3 disgusted faces. drawn by this "someone" =.=...

well.. but i still assume i m a cute 小绵羊 like this, wakakaka...

Ans so randomly i told this "someone" a story..

my memories..

This girl was crying, during a rainy day, coffee on the table, tears dropping onto the books she was holding...

And so her bf drew this on her book

(something like this, altho this drawings is spoilt by the blue pen writings of that "someone" =.=)

then this girl smiled.. but her bf started to cry...
she asked him why
he said " coz i feel useless, u can smile wif this lil thing i do for you, but yet i alwiz make u cry "

[END]

Someone out there knows im talking bout him =)

Well that was just some random memories, which doesn't reali bother me now, i live well *grin*

Then, I sacrificed my studying time, just to go out and meet my FIRST fren in MELBOURNE, Proudly presenting... SAM!!! ^^

We walked along collins street, and saw this beautiful open-air cafe/bar, then we went in, the atmosphere was pretty good. Had a good chat wif this first fren in Melbourne. Never seen him for ages, miss him loads, lol

The Liquor Coffee (Baileys-Latte) that i ordered, doesnt it look good? it was nice, special enough =D

Recalling when i first came Melbourne... so homesick and lonely...

Then i met this fren in Melbourne Airport, SAM! we did alotsa crazy things together while exploring Melbourne, basically we sticked wif each other almost every day of the first few weeks when we were still so new to this strange city... kinda sweet memories wif this fren tho =)

We went to night market

"Tried" to go clubbing but we lined up for 3 hours and didnt get to get in at last, LOL

And he brought me to eat souvlaki, and laughed at the way i ate it, lol

well, i just love my watch and my hair, wakakakka

That's bout it, wasted my whole weekend without studying =.=

gonna be so dead for exam >"<

The young lil SHIAU WEN, lol

2008-05-03T14:53:00.005+10:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! if it isnt bcoz CK suddenly sent me all these old photos tat i had before, i reali cannot remember i used to look like this!!!!!!!!

this one look disgusting to me =.= oooo childhood... lol

the slimmest i used to be (2004) =(
WHY LOOK SO DIFFERENT ONE???????????? >"<>

瑞丽呈现：wen说，现在没人敢追求我！

2008-05-03T14:26:00.005+10:00

瑞丽magazine on sales!

2 different version of covers and come and listen to the celebrity's talk

Wen a.k.a 小Q : 现在没人敢追求我！ (nobody has the courage to win me now!)

Selling oni at $20 ! grab them in any bookstores nearby! be quick as the demand is high!

LOL

im just too stress i think, lol, thanks CK for the photos~ hahaha, miss you~

"your boyfren is so lucky" ?

2008-05-02T15:29:00.005+10:00

it was a patchy rainy day yesterday morning

raining in melbourne is reali rare, and so i don haf an umbrella actually, who knows it will rain so heavily during those hours when i was rushing to uni for classes

so i ran out to tram stop in rain, thought of getting down at 7-11 to get an umbrella, who knows they dont sell umbrella =.=

so i tram back to uni again and stoned at the tram stop coz i couldnt get out of there since its raining cats and dogs *roll eyes*

and suddenly i heard this...

"it's freezing~ go home, don stay here and catch cold~" and then i saw this police officer/official/person-who-checks-our-tram-tickets-all-in-a-sudden waving his hands on me.

"nah i have classes and i need to go to uni" i replied and pointed to the uni

"oh skip it then, it is so cold out here! HAHAHA" he was laughing himself and i was like "hehehe yea yea.."

there is no one else in the tram stop at that time, so i couldnt ask anyone else bout tis but him
"Do u kno where can i get umbrella around here?"

"oh.... not here..." wif disappointed look and so do i.
"eh wait, hang on girl~ wait for me here" and then i saw him went off to sumwhere, i didnt reali care so i just continue stoning and wait for the rain to stop.

suddenly, i heard him shouting from far
" hey GIRL! it's 5 dollars for an umbrella, do u wan it?"

i looked to the direction of the voice and i saw him opposite the road under the rain! Of coz i nodded my head, i need the umbrella!!

then i saw him ran to a convenient store in rain, got an umbrella out, and ran back to the this tram stop in rain again...

*TOUCHED*

n then yep, i handed him 5 bucks and so i got the umbrella! just when i was thinking, "australians are so helpful and warm-hearted", the police officer/official/person-who-checks-our-tram-tickets-all-in-a-sudden said this:

"your boyfren is so lucky" and he smiled at me.

"no i don haf a bf, LOL"

"oh REALLY? good... it's good.."

and i smiled

"good for me" he continued.

and then he laughed.

LOL, there was the oni thing i could do, but i kno he was just kidding, haha

anyway, it was a lucky day ^^

君识吾言之？

2008-04-29T23:07:00.003+10:00

天黑了好久，手中的qm2 notes拿了好久，全都读不进脑

墨尔本就是个这么寂寞的城市

一个人搭tram
一个人逛街
一个人煮快熟面
一个人在图书馆读书
一个人在电脑前发慌
一个人面对功课的压力
一个人责备自己的愚笨

好笨
好烦
竭斯底里的烦，烦得快疯掉，烦得好累，烦得无力，烦得瘫痪，烦得快死掉，死了都得烦的那种烦。

好多要说，好多要写，好多要发泄

但，写了你也不懂，写了你也不了

无奈

吾之心，勿探之，若非怜，盼君勿弄非也；
汝行，吾言，汝不惜，小女子欲逃之。

看吧，我就说你不懂

不听不闻不问，反正我什么都不想知道！！

i wish that i could find the words to say [inconsolable]

2008-04-28T00:18:00.003+10:00

I close the door

Like so many times, so many times before

Felt like a scene on the cutting room floor

I wanna let you walk away tonight without a word

I try to sleep, yeah

But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me

A thousand more regrets unraveling,oh

If you were here right now I swear I'd tell you this

Baby I don't wanna waste another day

Keepin it inside, it's killing me

Cause all I ever want

It comes right down to you, to you

I wish that I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you every time you leave

I'm inconsolable

I climb the walls, yeah

I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no

I've memorized the number so why can't I make the call

Maybe cause I know you'll always be with me

In the possibility, oh

No, no, no

I don't wanna be like this

I just wanna let you know

That everything I hold in

Is everything I can't let go

Cause BABY...

Don't you know it baby

I don't wanna waste another day

I wish that I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you,

every time you leave

I'm inconsolable

CMG? CTG? MUOSS??

2008-04-26T13:56:00.004+10:00

yea i guess everybody will go like, "wat the hell are all these alphabets on the title??"

well...

CMG --> Chinese Music Group

CTG --> Chinese Theatre Group

MUOSS --> Melbourne Uni Overseas Students Service

this year is definitely a total revolution of my uni life, i feel so... UNI in melbourne, people are asking me, "wat?? u don go clubbing anymore??" "no way.. u never go clubbing in melbourne?? the nightlife is awesome!!"

well i don reali like the clubbing style here in melbourne, and the main reason is, most of my time is occupied by assignments, exams, and all these society thingie.. and im SO serious that i m not even free to cook myself a meal during exam periods!

it's stressful but i like it anyway, i feel so contented, unlike those lifeless activities i had back in Malaysia...

3 of my biggest passion in my life, CHINESE, MUSIC and MATHS.. so happened that i saw this "Chinese" "Music" Group during orientation day and i cant find myself any reason not to join, and so... yea i joined, and so... i got interviewed... and so... i became the Assistant Projects Manager in this group! PROJECTS MANAGER, omg, since how long ago i had all these positions in school societies? since how long ago i lost my memories of organizing activities wif a team??

i love organizing activities, i love coordinating, i love to storm creativity into our projects, just like the times when i was a student reporter for sin chew jit poh, it's some kind of satisfaction when u see the activities u organized are successful and when ur team members thank you for doing a great job.

i enjoyed the jobs in CMG even tho its quite overwelming sometimes.. and just so happened that Chong Lee called me at 11.30 pm one day and said that his fren wanted a team member in CTG, and so i went for a so-called interview at 12am in front of McDonalds =.= i thought i can handle both CMG and CTG and so i agreed to become a member of publicity team in CTG, which my leader is Derek...

But unluckily, my failure of time arrangement fails me to commit myself in these 2 groups...

this day, i got Derek's mail of "disappointment" on our performance, n i heard this from his fren that "u never go for their duties and it makes him reali 难做, this sunday please please go for the meeting, at least once"

the "please please" makes me feel so useless, i know i've been giving too much excuses when it comes to CTG works, but seriously, im over-stressed wif CMG and uni works, so when there are spare times i will need to relax myself by shopping,karaoke and stuff instead of filling my only left leisure time wif CTG duties, and when publicity is actually not reali my thing, all these while i've been organizing activities instead of promoting activities, n i m actually more used to leading works instead.. and so i appear to be reali irresponsible in CTG...

n now that i just woke up, i feel a GREAT guilt, im not exaggerating bout tis but this can reali make me feel like the guilt of killing an ant (lol),
recalling that i had never been so irresponsible when it comes to committing myself in a team
recalling that i alwiz appear to be one of the biggest contributor in students reporter team back in malaysia
recalling the satisfaction when CMG's president sent me a mail of appreciation and praised my job (and of coz the other's)
n imagining if im Derek, how frus will i be on Chanelle n i ll definitely kick her out of this team!!

no wei this is not ME at all, i realized i'd became paralyzed after so many years not involving in all these service activities, i got to look for the long-lost Shiau Wen who was so enthused and passionate in all these things, not the Chanelle who had became so slumber and lifeless after all those meaningless uni life in HELP!

well.. after so much crap, im just... guilty

i don like it when ppl think that im irresponsible
i don like it when they think im just a "vase" in a team
i don like it when there's nothing in me for ppl to appreciate

i like it when sumone reali appreciate my talents
i enjoy it when i got to contribute in "something"
i appreciate it when i got compliments from the others for doing great jobs

so... altho CTG first semester's activities and production are gonna end nex week ( which i never contribute anything at all =.= ), i hope it's alwiz not too late to start contributing now, i got to make a choice, get fully-involved, or kick myself out of it

yea...

there are chances, still

o ya forgot to talk bout MUOSS, well its just that im applying for the election of Culture and Society Director in it, which i heard the workloads of it is double of CMG and CTG

i shall take the challenge, and...

wish me good luck =.=

这篇“他们都说”，和我的“不完美”

2008-04-26T05:52:00.003+10:00

发现了这篇好久好久以前的blog。。。这篇叫做“他们都说”的blog。。。

每个男生在喜欢我的时候
听见我为爱付出的故事时

他们都说
“哇，如果你是我女朋友，我一定超珍惜你的”

当他们得到我的欢心时

他们都说
“我绝对不会放弃你的”

爱情进行到最后的时候

他们都说
“你真的是个很好的女朋友，我真的很喜欢你，可是，我觉得我们不合。”

如果我真的那么好
如果真的那么喜欢我
为什么你们到最后
都会放弃？

我才发现
这不是你们的错
也不是我的错
我根本不用去改变些什么
在爱的世界里
没有对与错
只是你们合不合
如是而已

坚持自己的观念
不勉强自己去改变
却又能够配合对方
那才算是
遇到了属于你的姻缘

不合适的人
再怎么为对方改变
最后也只会是一场空

他们都说
“你真的很好，只是我们不合而已”

那
只是把“我并没那么喜欢你”
讲得美丽一点而已

[终]

我觉得，我错了。。。在爱情的世界里，没有对与错，但在现实世界里，却有无数的“不完美”

夺取你自信心的“不完美”
让人厌恶你的“不完美”
让人不喜欢你的“不完美”
让你的爱人遗弃你的“不完美”
让你喜欢的人不能接受的“不完美”
让中意你的人放弃的“不完美”

而我，拥有太多的“不完美”
也从来没有一个他
能接受我的“不完美”

你
是不是也看见了我的“不完美”
所以退了脚步？

是不是有一个你
能够将我的“不完美”
视为“缺陷美”？

他们都说
“你不是我的一百分”

那
你说呢？

吾怨汝 =(

The best fireworks in my life

2008-03-11T00:11:00.017+11:00

So this is my first happening nite in melbourne.. i went to tis event called bomba/bombay/moonbar/moonbutt/wateva it is.. lol, which they actually have fireworks and kinda like fun fair thingie... it was REALLY cool... unlike those ones back in malaysia, they had organized this really well... the fireworks was AWESOME, my fren told me that the putra jaya fireworks competition was nicer than tis but somehow i missed it and so... this is the best fireworks i've ever seen in my life! (so far, hehe)...

i don kno how to describe the degree of beautifulness of the fireworks.. so jz let the photos do the talkings!

so i went wif my babe --> Chiew Jeat

and oso wif my current housemate, Sherman! unfortunately we didnt take any pic there since he was busy snapping fireworks using his PRO punya camera, so.. i ll jz use some other pic here to intro him la... he's a nice housemate tho =)

Since her bf is in Sydney now and im still SINGLE, so she was my temporary DARLING for that nite! accompanying me watching fireworks~ not too lonely tho, =p

the view of Yara river...

and the fireworks... begins!! (with wonderful and awesome background music)

isnt it adorable??? CJ sounded out her wish to kiss wif her bf under fireworks and i was like "yea~ how nice if we can jz lie on our love one's chest and watch this together, sigh~"

NVM, we are independent women!! ^^ hugzz

met him==>SAM during the event! my very FIRST fren in Melbourne =)

One of my favourite pictures *grin*

well.. Melbourne is not so bad tho

LOL

To sumone who called me her starbucks partner

2008-02-23T14:28:00.007+11:00

it's 2.30pm right now in Melbourne, it's pretty cold out there... counting, it had been 9 days since i reached this lonely city.. i seldom get emo in the afternoon, i normally sink into loneliness and grief during sleepless midnights, but YOU my Tarleeeng posted the fucking "my starbucks partner" in ur blog and it made me fucking miss you and emo right now..

everytime i opened up ur blog site i wished to see something about me, but it never had b4... n now that i'd finally seen it but the feelings that strike on me jz wasnt the same as i expected..

Melbourne city is a good place to stay, i heard, and i observed... but it jz wasnt so ME, i got used to the busy kinda lifestyle in KL, n i like it, even a small place like my kampung, segamat, makes me feel better than staying here, mayb it's the frens that matters?

Every places i passed by here i remind myself of you
when i was in the Young and Jackson bar, i wished you were here with me, coz i wish to taste the great beer here together wif you (since u like beer so much ^^), it reminds me of goin bars/clubs/pubs wif you everytime and how we talked craps until late nights...and those times
when you told me you feel more complete going pubs wif me =p
when you actually drove ur auntie's car without acknowledging and fetch me to Bamboo together
when we 2 fei pos LOL outside the bar and so self-obsessed that the fei zai actually paid our bills
when you played "it's raining man" in the car which made both of us went so high, lol

all the u call it open-window-jacob-cup sessions
all the late-night-i-emo-and-u-are-forced-to-come-by sessions
all the bubblessssss-bite! sessions
all the celebrity-fitness sessions
all the pavillion-videos-and-china-mui-acting sessions
all the michael-jackson-promo sessions
all the 12-am-went-yum-cha-till-8am-went-bah-kut-teh sessions
all the prosperity-beef-burger-set-cover-our-WATER-in-your-yard-when-your-mom-came-out sessions
all the cendol-drinking-jogging-sexayy-fei-po sessions
all the singing-be-your-love sessions
all the balcony-water-drinking-at-ur-auntie's-place sessions
all the donuts-candles-donuts-losing sessions
and the very remarkable first time new year eve celebration wif a fren--YOU instead of being alone

I thought i could write more sessions (LOL) but now i found that things that we've done together were so much more than these.. which can hardly to be put into words, i don kno how to express this, i wish to write this in chinese but u kno la u as-usual-still-a-banana, jz like any other time when i laugh at ur mandarin, lol

i actually wanted to put this post since January when i started feeling losing you, lol, but i never did so coz there were many things happened which makes me hessitates, but right now after i read ur post, i regretted it n now i so wanna tell you that

thanks for teaching me how not to be too vulnerable
thanks for letting me kno i shouldnt depends too much on the others
thanks for reminding me that i haf to love myself and i should find happiness in myself, not in anybody else
thanks for listening to me everytime i sat luen
thanks for scolding me whenever i made mistakes
thanks for telling me how immature and how gullible am i
thanks for teman-ing me everytime i emo although i emo 365 days per year
thanks for being so patient wif me
thanks for reminding me not to hurt myself again
and thanks for bringing me up all this while
i haf to say, u taught me lotsa things, u made me grew so much and im serious! i found myself kno so much better bout myself than b4 after knowing u, even though there r stil lil things of me which makes u feel irritated. Thanks for all da advice and i hope one day u will see my changes.

i kno this post sounds too gay and too emo la so.. HAHA... lets gam fei la fei po!! we can do it!! lol.. the nex time when i go bac to malaysia, i wanna see the same kai lan but in different size! not bigger but the smaller, hahahaha.... and hopefully u will see changes in me too, both physically and mentally =)

OH where oh where can my KAI LAN be~ the aus took me away from you, im now in melbourne so u got to miss me~ so i can hug my tarleeenggg when im back~~~ again~~

LOL

remember my WAKAKAKA and HEHEHEHE always OKAY! =D

The 10 damn things

2008-02-01T04:48:00.000+11:00

1. The very first thing i will need to complain is.. DAMN it, it takes me more than 15 mins to open this page for me to blog, wth~?? streamyx is seriously not wholesome enough, why is it the line goes so fast in bangsar but freaking slow here in segamat?? *roll eyes*

2. Just got an offer for a unit called "Yale" in College Square in Melbourne, which i heard is one of the biggest unit in tat particular apartment, but wth i checked out the mail oni 3 days after i got that offer and wth-again the offer was oni opened for 3 days.. and so..? yea they terminated that offer =.= *damn~~*

3. went to kl for 6 damn days and i didnt even buy a single damn new year cloth and a single damn pair of shoes to b used in australia!

First time wei, didnt buy any new year clothes... *crinkle eyebrows*

*wat m i gonna wear for CNY???!!*

4. Listed out wat to bring to Australia and just realize there are many things havent been bought. I requested to go to my darling Kay Elle again to get all necessary things but papa rejected by saying "wat did u do in the 6 days u went to KL huh! now wan to go again for what??" >"< *oh miennnnn, will i miss out anything while packing??
*why m i not borned in KAY ELLE??* DAMN

5. didnt sleep for the whole damn night jz to wait for michael jackson's video to be loaded completely, then went straight for the fabulous roti canai in kampung tengah, segamat wif janice *tsk tsk, 2 crazeeee women*

6. getting crazee of MICHAEL JACKSON recently! DAMN, why didnt i start listen to eng songs earlier?? hardly get interested in chinese songs nowadays and freakin fancy english songs recently especially oldies and rock songs
a. Beat It
b. Smooth Criminal
c. Who is it
d. Bad
e. Black and White
f. Man in the mirror
g. You are not alone
h. Jam
damn all these songs are damn awesome, my all time fav ^^ MJ is simply amazing, watch his steps wei!! tsk tsk tsk..

7. downloaded 50 damn songs in jz one nite, im so insane of songs recently, i wanna get my harddisk flooded wif songs in case i cant download enough songs in melbourne coz of the stupid quota rules *ishxxx*
~ i m a bitch , i m a lover, i m a child, i m mother, i m sinner, i m a saint, i do not feel ashame...~~
(don't worry, it's jz another freaking nice song's lyrics, lol)

8. spent almost $700 jz in 6 days in Kay Elle! wtf i didnt buy anything oso??? *oh diieemmmnn*

9. 14 days more to Australia oni, omg damn fast wei~~~ *chin dropping onto the floor*

10. Hey how come i wasnt emo today?? emo? no? no? wei no? i didnt emo today? really no? hell no?? NO i didnt emo wei!! its a miracle weiii! *OH DAMN*

LOL

This is sumthin not about love

2008-01-23T18:45:00.000+11:00

i made a call again, i confirmed that was the number, and press "Call" again...

nothing changes

stil

no response

oni the voice that came from the other side changed

i don feel the same anymore

mayb the time had came

"what goes around, comes around,

what goes up, must come down"

i don own any of them

more than 2 years...

the same thing goes to YOU

i guess....

tell me, im not that bad

2008-01-14T23:39:00.001+11:00

everytime when i try to start my blog off, i don kno wat to say first.. there were so many times that i happened to open up blogger site, click in "create new post" and there were lotsa things playing on my mind to blog bout, but then ended up leaving the site blank bcoz i don kno where to start from, how to express my emotion and how to put them in words...

tats why, im not a full time blogger, i blog randomly, whenever i REALLY feel like expressing myself, i don haf many happy post, i don update oftenly, coz blogging is jz a way for me to express, not to impress...

anyway, tis time, i blog again, it means..

im in deep shit again

LOL

lotsa things jz happened so recently in my life, again, i went thru a broken relationship, and it is again a broken one bcoz of kinda same reasons as my another-previous-broken-relationship, and this reali is the most important lesson that inspires me to change myself, more...

i talked to my best frens, and i realized alotsa things, i reali appreciate my frens now... they talk to me, and teach me lotsa things, they make me realize how naive am i...
i alwiz thought i m changing and growing into a better me, compared to last time, yea i am, but it's jz not enough yet...

i still ruin my own relationship
i still hurt my parents
my frens stil don feel comfortable in me
my family stil don build trust in me
people around me still worry about me
and they stil get disappointed of me

jz becoz of my personalities, and the absence of independence

i seriously changed myself, i don only TALK, i do realize my bad personalities that build stress on others and i do change, but everytime i thought i had put much effort in doin so i found out that im going merely one step forward.. there are way more steps for me to reach where i wan to be, and im going merely one step forward...

i m being too naive that i thought i can please everyone..
i don kno how to social wif ppl around, so i try to be frenly to everyone
but when i try to please everyone i appear to b too indecisive
when i try to be honest i appear to be too vulnerable and ppl take advantage on me

i envy those who can live their life to the fullest, they always focus on what they want and alwiz being so happy-go-lucky, i wonder why i can not b like dat, i wonder why i emo bout so many shit everyday, i don reali kno wat i wanna achieve in the future, i don reali kno what is the purpose of living, i don reali kno wat can make myself happy, my emotions always change according to ppl around me...

i kno my parents worry bout me the most in my family. My sister is wise, having a good career and a good partner, pleasing my parents and doing everything great. My lil sis is so innocent and pure, giving happiness to my family, whereas me, i can do nothing but pressuring my parents...

i cry to my mom whenever im hurt
i help doing housechores but i got things worse
i tried to talk nicely to them but sumtimes my temper jz cant be controlled
i try to stay at home everyday but loneliness alwiz driving me out to meet frens
and i could never stop my parents from worrying bout me

the only thing i can do to please my parents is jz achieving good results in studies, yea i did that, but it doesnt appear to be a good thing for them anymore, it had became a necessity and a usual thing that i will do well in studies.. even when i got a top score in my course, my dad oni threw me a "so-what?" look...

dad, i kno wat u want in me, but i need time, all i can do now is only giving u hope by showing you the best results i can achieve

i hate myself from having a spoilt-kid-kind-of-personality, i hate myself from depending on others, i hate myself from getting influenced by the others easily, i hate myself from being some kind of tremendous burden in ppl's eyes...

but hopefully..

one day..

i will stop hating myself

and i will like myself

and hopefully you will like me, too

and tell me that

im not that bad.

i used to be so...

2007-12-10T05:46:00.001+11:00

jz checked out my old posts in my blog and realized...

how skinny i used to b in the old times!! f*ck!

so EMO !!! =(

and how innocent i was....i actually complained b4 in my blog that clubbing makes me sick and suffocated... lol

so funny

and how sweet in love i was... and how pure was the love i was having...

and how happening was my life without all these lifeless activities, clubbing and all these craps..

and how stressful i was during SAM last year but yet it makes my daily life contented, now i realize how easy is HELP program and i didnt even blog to complain bout my studies like i used to be... i miss SAM, i miss specialist maths, sobz

and how simple and happy i was... i got excited by spending 100++ to buy a pair of jeans, by jz window-shopping wif my frens and of coz..my ex, by jz a simple movie wif classmates and all...

a big SAD

='(

Promises to myself

2007-11-11T22:25:00.000+11:00

somebody commented b4, " sien la ur blog, all bout clubbing oni~"

ok so....i don wan everyone to think tat my life is oni about clubbing, it's actually bcoz..i got nth else to blog about

it's actully quite some time ago since the last time i went clubbing...quite lifeless recently, study, movie, karaoke, shopping, sick, study, movie, karaoke, shopping, SICK, grrr...tats all =.= im having a short sem and its...kinda free and boring, but yet stressful... got my results and got an offer letter from The University of Melbourne, but im stil so lost and worried..

i cant imagine how my life will b like when i get over there, leaving all my frens here and starting a new life, its like now im so close to my hometown and i can go bac anytime to meet them,but when im so far away from home... =(

i miss everytime i call my mom and say:

"ma, i need cleanser la, nex week when papa comes, ask him to pass it to me"

"ma, i forgot to bring XXX documents la, its important, pass it to jie jie when she goes back"

"ma, i sick again la!!"

"ma, stress la study until!!!"

"pa, the rental tis month is RMXXX, u bank in ya"

"pa, when u can fetch me home?"

and i miss everytime my mom called me and said:

"wen ar, where r u? wit who? so late stil outside ar?"

"wen ar, u always don drink water will cause u sick one la! never listen to me blah blah blah..."

"wan money again ar? nothing good when u call up one la..."

"hey, ur lil sister got 2nd prize in maths competition u kno.."

"nex week u wan to come home anot? ah jie coming bac ler..."

"eh be careful there ar, i read newspaper there r alotsa cases wei... don carry so big bag when u go out la..."

*tears dropping* ='(

when i go over there,
can i stil call my mom when im sad? can i stil go home when i feel lost?
can i find my sister when nobody goes dinner wif me?
can i stil ask my papa to send me things when i left them at home and forgot to bring?

2 years staying abroad... will i be okay? somebody told me.. its time for me to learn to be independent... yea i ll try, i promised...

when nobody goes dinner wif me, well, i shall cook myself

when im sad, well, i shall listen to songs and heal myself

when im lonely, well, i shall sleep!

nothing will bring me down, i haf to persuade myself bout that,
tis time... i'll DO it but not jz SAYING
to prove to those thoughtless ppl that critic bout me when they r not in my situation!
i don care wat u say
i do wat i perceive to b RIGHT
i don do things according to wat ppl wan me to be
so, if u like it, u stay
if u don like it, u LEAVE.
coz it's stupid for u to bother others' life when u don like them in the first place

if u wan to advise or critic me, tell me right to my face, i ll listen and accept, and change
if u don dare to show urself and critic somebody for the purpose of teasing, u're childish and u're the loser

everything i said, i made them promises
to myself
not to the outsiders!

19th Birthday [28/9]

2007-10-21T23:18:00.000+10:00

it's kinda weird to post my birthday pictures when it's aredi november now, anyway its reali memorable, my 19th birthday [28/9] ^^

i had 2 parties, one in maison and an another BBQ party at my place, im glad that im blessed wif the frens and my family, heart them much <3>

my birthday look but b4 make up

and after make-up, wit Ray =)

the non-bastards i call them, justin and mark, they're jz the best guys i ever met, lol, i look so sober =.=

all HELP HELP chickies ^^

and 5 of us, the HELP gang~

flora, one of my babies =)

and the taylor's gang! tai lou KOK HUI and awesome SHAWN! lol (sorry shearn dat i didnt post up our pics coz our pics are all blur, lol)

mayb i left out sum others' photos but they're jz as important to me in my life =)

HELENA, dini, stephanie, chee seng, daniel, andrew, jackson and all... luv u guys much!

2nd BBQ party--> the sunway gang, thx for organizing it for me arun!! i appreciate it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~~~~ ^^

My blog came alive again!

2007-10-21T23:12:00.000+10:00

YEAH my blog came alive again!!

and i jz realized the comments that "Pineapple" and "Guava" gave in my chatbox

owh thx for ur advice

and if u know me well, or u r still my fren at THIS moment

u should kno that i'd changed much

i kno myself well, and my frens know me well, and i treat my frens well, i appreciate 'em

so if u feel that i treat u a different way, then most probably i don treat u as my fren? lol

oh btw i like guava ^^

so.. PEOPLE im back ! and stay in my page and read my nex few posts ! =)

UV Nation @ One Utama

2007-06-10T22:30:00.000+10:00

im here to declare first b4 i continue my words..

i AINT a heavy clubber, its jz so coincident dat my different bunches of frens are requesting for party-ing at the same period n there r happening events everywhere recently, and moreover it was my HOLIDAYS!! i was reali exhausted during these few weeks n i SWEAR

NO MORE CLUBBING after the holidays !

IT'S TIME TO STUDY!

er...but maybe/might be/should be/most probably, i will stil stick to muh 4Ps rule

Play hard !
Party hard !
Pray hard !
PIA hard !! (which means study hard in hokkien)

i went for the UV Nation rave party @ One Utama last night...
i hate rave actually, its always crowded and HOT, u haf to squeeze thru the crowds and stick wif the ppl by sweats.....YUCKS, it stinks

sum ppl said it was boring but for me, it is the ppl u go wif that matters, the first rave i went was so sucky bcuz i went wif the wrong ppl, but tis time, well it was reali crowded, HOT and exhausting but i went wif the RIGHT people !! ^^

yea here there are... they r fun and happening !!

the popular Nigel

Jones from Korea

Me and Jayson

Jones' gang and sum of MY gang XD

it was exhausting,i was sitting n resting, n... MUST CAM-WHORE MAHH !

i was urging my frens to fetch me home cuz MY LEGS WERE KILLING ME!! i shouldnt be so STUPID to wear a pair of boots to rave party ?? n stand for 8 damn hours ?? without any drinks ?? =.= oh gosh that was the craziest nite i ever had, exhausted like hell... left around 2.30am but the STUPID one utama oni make one exit available and made us walk up n down the floors to find way out until almost FOUR !!

But anyway, it was mad but FUN !

Edward, Nigel and gang, Krystal, Ivy, Chiewjeat, Tzelin, ROS!!!(happy meeting u there), Zen, Jayson, Jones and so and so...It is a bliss to meet and party wif u all, sorry if i missed out sum names but i jz wanna say thanks for bringin me a great nite..

4Ps ROXORRR !!!! ^^

Poppy night wif my babies

2007-06-09T08:56:00.000+10:00

i reali wanted to change my blog site since im BORED of this stupid dull site of mine..but anyway... seems like ppl prefer my chatbox here, n i still get more used to blogspot.. so...ahaks, i ll jz continue using tis one at this moment.. XD sorry for the inconvenience made ya frens ~~

nth much to blog about, went down to inti,nilai last few weeks, chilled out wif my bestest fren, helena... reali miss her loads... i don kno why but i like inti in nilai, its more like a campus life they're having there, not so like the sucky HELP im in now, DAMN freaking terrible HELP, hate it much...

And my bunch of frens came to my place during last weekend, it was reali fun !! we slept in da morning n chilled at night=.=, wat an unhealthy life...

we went down to poppy on saturday too.. me, justinthejoker, chiewjeatbabe, ivythepartygal, helenathebitch, karenthesottie, peiwenthedesperado, joshuathedumdum, n lotssssssssssss of other frens.... it actually wasnt reali a great nite for me, there r sum unhappy things happened but.. it was reali a bliss to hang out wif my old schoolmates, my best frens, i luv them lotsssss !!

feel like kissing u BIaTCH !! XD

she is chun isnt it ?? i alwiz think she is chun ^^

Justin the non-bastard among the guys, haha, he is a good man =)

Karen Kok, not the closest but the best person i can talk to for me =)

miss u gurls ~~

My babies:

Helena

Karen

Pei wen

Joshua

Ivy

Justin

Chiewjeat

n of cuz some others who were there that nite

thx for bringing me a wonderful nite, miss u guys lots...

*MWAHS*

URGENT ! MY BLOG SITE IS CHANGED !! =)

2007-05-15T01:49:00.000+10:00

HEY GUYS ~~~~

ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!

i m shifting my blog to www.wretch.cc/blog/dmorningstar !!! The reason of this migration ?? simply becuz i find it easier for me to edit my post and stuff there... and it looks so much NICER than this current blog !! at least i think so =p

My frensssss~~~ plz maintain urselves as my readers there !! For ur information, there will be NO CHATBOX there and i hope you guys can give me MORE AND MORE COMMENTS plz~~~~~~~
i hardly get any comments from u guys =(

ESPECIALLY THE S8 AND MY "HELPMATESSSSSSS"!!!

SUPPORT MY NEW BLOG !! SUPPORT SUPPORT !!

and for those who can read mandarin ( excluding banana ppl like the S8 one, wakaka ), i've another blog written in mandarin and there ll be MORE OF MY SECRETS, my thoughts and stuff than the english ones, hehe , so u have the benefits ! XD
view it !! ---> www.wretch.cc/blog/chanell3

anyway, if any of u don like my new blog, i might CONSIDER to use this blog back, so ... welcome any suggestions ya !! ^^ c ya in www.wretch.cc/blog/dmorningstar !! =)

Clubbing NightsSs

2007-05-10T20:30:00.000+10:00

who says going clubbing means notti and bad ?

i like it when there r music and people around

i like it when i swing all my stress away when i dance

i like it when i dance wif my BABES

it is all CLEAN

i enjoyed it ^^

there are a number of clubbing photos which were taken quite long time ago... i jz collected all and here they are =)

This is the time where my "JI MUI" ==> VANs, "sat luen" and wanted me to chill wif him, Vans(left) and Chanelle(right) b4 going to Ruums.

I hate that night cuz i actually dont reali like Ruums, it was so pack dat night, u cant even walk thru the crowd or dance on the floor, the people were sooo sweaty... yucks..

However, i met one of my long lost-contact fren, Jones from korea that nite surprisingly, which was the oni highlight of that nite for me, and these r his gang of frens from many different countries, wat an international gang !

ahaks, first time clubbing wif hiroshi, my lenglui+bitchy+lovely+attractive+slutty 7 years good fren, =p, in The Loft. The Loft was great XD

wif her cute and adorable new housemate, xiao zhu

There is another blissful and greatest night in Maison, wif my BABES after our final exam.

ChiewJeat the chunbabe, Tze Lin the Hawtie, Ivy the Lovely, and Alvin the Gentleman. *grin*

Met ALOTSAAAAAA frens surprisingly in Maison that night, from HELP, from my previous college, my ex's frens, and many many else.. *happy*

ChiewJeat Babes, Me and TzelinChix

Fabulous Tzelin

My Chun baby, Chiew Jeat ^^

My lovely neighbour Ivy

* KIssy KisSy *

* Muaxx muaxx *

cuz we are all anti bastards !!

LALALA

FABULOUS US !! XD

Alvin the gentleman

The Baby XD

The Better Man =)

This is the latest time i went to Maison, again, wif Jones the Korean, Nick the Australian, Chong the Indonesian and Daniel the so called Japanese XD, and oso their other gangs of Chun and Hawt frens ALL AROUND MAISON !! ^^

Chong the famous and magnetic one

Great nite in Maison

i luv Maison

*enjoy ur young life* =D

你，听见我的心声吗？

2007-05-03T20:07:00.000+10:00

刚刚和位朋友上网聊了几句，多日没和他联络了，无意进入了一些关于爱情的问题，他说：

男朋友，是长期饭票，两个人拍拖是为了希望日后可以共同组织家庭，一起生活一辈子。就因为这样，您会对他有很高的要求，占有欲望也十分强烈。占有欲，会让您们之间很容易吃醋，也会互相约束对方导致失去自由，因此很容易吵架。

情人，是短期伴侣。既然是短期伴侣，对他的要求也不会那么严格，都说在一起开心就好，不看以后，也没有打算结婚，那么就不会有太强烈的占有欲望，也不会约束对方及减少吵架！

是吗？爱就爱了，做男朋友还是做情人，有分别吗？

还是一个人好，像我这种人，扯上了男人都不会有什么好结果。可能是自己还年轻吧，不懂得怎么恋爱，也不晓得怎么维持一段感情，总觉得被人宠爱才是恋爱中的精华，总觉得男朋友就该做男朋友该做的本分。做过别人的女朋友，自以为付出了很多，其实什么都没奉献过。

可是为什么就是有人可以那么幸运，不用付出些什么，不用拥有些什么条件，就能够享受爱情的美丽，男友的呵护，甚至是物质上的供应？

以前我会相信缘分，相信每一个人的生命里都有一个被注定的伴侣。可是如果是这样，对于那些为爱情努力付出和改变自己，却又得不到一个好伴侣的人，岂不是太不公平了？

别人说我还年轻，我一定会遇到一个适合自己的伴侣，可是经过多次的挫折，多次恋爱的失败，和听过男人无数的谎言，我怕了，累了，更绝望了。

恨自己没自制力，容易受影响，容易被感动，轻易相信男人的甜言蜜语，对自己没有信心也对男人没有安全感。别人总觉得我花心，不谨慎行事，把自己的感情世界弄得乱七八糟。可是试问，哪个女人不想拥有一段稳定的，安全的，有保障的恋情？哪个女人愿意在感情世界里徘徊那么久，浪费自由浪费青春？我何曾不是希望有个安稳的肩膀依靠，只要一个，那就够了。。。我不要那么的无知，我也不想那么容易被动，我不是花心，我只是不懂事也太脆弱。。

我们常说，喜欢一个人，除了爱他的优点之外，还要接受他的缺点。
[接受]这两个字听起来很无奈。[接受]是不够的，我们应该爱上他的缺点。

她不懂事，不会照顾男人也不会体谅男人。笨笨的也不错啊！至少这样她够单纯，不会和其他男人扯上，不懂可以慢慢教嘛！

她太没安全感，不懂得和其他男人保持距离，身边总有一大堆男人环绕。这样的女朋友好啊！那些男人只能环绕，但你却能拥有她，不荣幸吗？

她任性，固执，有事没事都爱发一场脾气。这个缺点很可爱啊！她不任性点，你又怎么知道她在乎你？

她爱花钱，不懂得照顾自己，又不懂得独立。这样也不错啊！她就会需要你，你不照顾她，谁能照顾她呀？

所以啊，如果你爱一个人，不是也能爱她的缺点吗？

你，听见我的心声了吗？

男人本来就该对女人好，让她觉得他很爱她，让她觉得很幸福，男人要保护女人，这不就是爱情的约定吗？

男人很奇怪，喜欢你，追求你的时候，会对你无微不至，让你为他感动。当女人开始在乎的时候，男人就会开始抽身，若即若离，忽冷忽热，当初那种安全感已经不再，换来的是女人的苦恼和煎熬。

你很投入的时候，对方很抽离。
你很抽离的时候，对方又偏偏很投入。

有个朋友告诉我，要抓住男人的心，就要懂得自持清高，不要让自己太容易被得到，也教了我很多设计爱情的圈套。可是我不会，我就是会忍不住越陷越深，莫名的在乎，忘我的付出，我就是笨，我就只是能给男人带来一时的新鲜感，我就是抓不住男人的心。

我的朋友说，我还年轻，我不需要男朋友，我需要的是情人。

情人，会是一件比男女朋友还要开心及快活的交往方式，而且互不欺骗

也许，我两者都不需要。

也许，我得先学习。

你，能不能，带领我，呵护我，教导我，包容我，疼爱我？

你，听见了吗？

Dont love me, coz im a burden

2007-04-27T13:20:00.000+10:00

i supposed to have a lotsssss of happy posts after i was FREE from my final exam, which made no time for me to blog... but my life screw up again

*KIM CHEW don scold me "banyak banyak hal" ya * =p

wat u guys think bout me?

a spoilt gal?

a perfectionist?

an emo gal?

a childish gal?

or in conclusion a BURDEN?

YEA IM A TREMENDOUS BURDEN FOR EVERYONE

ppl tend to leave me, my frens, my lovers, they hardly stand me, why?

they said i give them stress

no matter how good they treat me, how much they pamper me, and in the end, they cant stand and left.

BUT GUYS
Do u kno when u pamper a gal, u spoilt her??
Do u kno when u spoilt her, u blame her for not paying back??
Do u kno when u don teach them, they wont learn???
Do u kno when u leave her, u r being selfish cuz u don care to lead them???
Do u kno when u gave up leading them, u don love them enough??
Do u kno when u take care of her and pamper her, she thinks its bcuz u r willing to and u love her, so she thinks being pampered is FINE !

If u cant take it, if u cant stand the stress of being in love, if u think pampering a gal is tiring, then don promise !! don pamper ur gals in the first place !

Guys alwiz tell ME these :

Becuz u give me stress, so i cant stand anymore
Becuz i don think i m able to take care of u, so i cant be with u
Becuz u r borned to be a to-be-pampered gal, i feel stress taking care of u
i can do anything to satisfy u, but wat can u do in return?

and the conclusions are:

Loving me is tiring
Taking care of me is even more tiring
Standing my personolities is even exhausting
im kiddish, i don kno how to be a good lover

AND IM A BURDEN

HEY WAT HAPPENED?? Do i reali appear to be some kid to u until u think u MUST take care of me like a baby?? Am i that childish until u think u must pamper me?? Am i NOT independent enough to live on my own?? i didnt demand anything from YOU GUYS and its YOU GUYS wanted to pamper me in the first place !! So when u pamper me, why dont i take it?? and when u r tired of pampering me, u blame on me??!!

and whenever i told u guys not to approach me cuz u ll find urself regret for loving me, why do YOU GUYS thought its an excuse?who do YOU GUYS promise and say u r different from the other guys, and you insisted u love me more than anything else that u could do wateva for me, stand wateva i am???

and why when i gave u the warning, u don wan to listen and ended up hurting me AGAIN AND AGAIN by telling me "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE"???

SO LISTEN TO ME NOW

DONT LOVE ME, COZ IM A BURDEN !!

SINGLE GALS ROXX !!

2007-03-24T22:49:00.000+11:00

was in saloon doin my hair treatment and i heard the same thing again

"ur hair REALLY dry la, u have to apply serum alwiz, it is REALLY dry.."

again...hey its not like i never do something to make my hair better but i jz cant help, it is aredi spoilt and it will ONLY be like dat...

*emo*

then i went for a waxing on my legs for first time and i have only one word to describe it ---> *OUCH*

anyway those are not issues i wanna blog about..

i jz wanna let u guys know that i went to this saloon and read an article from a magazine while doin my hair treatment, and the title of this article attracted me

SINGLES' SURVIVAL GUIDE

Seriously recently im reali getting used to my single life and i like it, i mean i m free, i got much time to do things for MYSELF, and i've got time to judge who is reali my MR.RIGHT.. i somehow scare of falling in love cuz maintaining a relationship is alwiz more stressful than overcoming the feeling of loneliness, but anyway, single gals do feel lonely and they show interests on this kind of title (most of them), including me ^^

its content is basically like this

1st - Beautify urself

Method:
Always look immaculate, like you're going to be photographed any moment. It makes you feel good and definitely boosts ur self-esteem.

2nd - Empower urself

Method:
1. Throw a party n use that to speak to random men. (ARRR? @_@)
2. Start a hobby
3. Know that u come first now, no more having to fit things in for anyone but you!(YAY!)
4. Listen to men-bashing songs
5. Know that a gal can be a brat and be selfish and IT IS OKAY !

3rd - Get friendly

Method:
1.Talk to random guys and u ll end up making new frens. Doin it after a few drinks. Dutch courage helps!!
2.Party, hit the club and try speed-dating! (=.=)

4th - increase ur market value

Method:
Glow with happiness ! FAKE, if necessary. Single gals are more fascinating!! (AGREE!)

there are a lot more but i could oni remember this, i cant carry the whole magazine home jz to blog bout it even i wish to

i feel so much better and happier after reading it so i wanna share it wif single gals out there, hear me babes??^^ but if i reali follow THOSE way, i ll probably haf became a slutty playgal ! (NO WAY !)

well, i ll jz follow some of them, hehe

people always ask : " why are you still single?? "
then i ll answer : " nobody likes me la..."
then this will come in everytime... " ur requirements too high la.."

i used to insist that it is nobody likes me, not that im too choosy cuz i alwiz think love is more important than anything else

yea love is more important than anything else , but when i meet guys who dont meet my requirements, then this *love* would not exist, arghh..since when i'd became so fussy?? ever since my last heart-breaking relationship b4 this??

im borned in an action of pursuiting perfection and i started to think, m i reali too fussy?

But im not a snob!! i jz wan a MR.RIGHT rather than a MR.ALSO CAN, but i will most probably end up being alone if i alwiz think that way...

Since im not perfect, i've no right to set any requirements on my partner, right?

So i should jz lower down my expectation, or i should say, i should not just expecting from the others rather than working out myself for it?

So.. MR. ALSO CAN is fine =)

*happy lifeless determined single gal*

This 2 Bastards roll eyes

2007-03-22T03:44:00.000+11:00

Some guys are jz reali bastards...

im sorry to say that, Justin(my entertaining coursemate in HELP) alwiz stressed bout y me and chiew jeat babes alwiz calling guys bastards, but...guys are reali bastards !

*roll eyes*

er... except guys like Justin and Mark i guess ^^

oh ya and my S8 ppl oso of cuz =)

SO i aint telling who r these 2 bastards i wan to talk bout but this guy, he likes to boast/bullshit/ crap/wateva, he likes to make gals emo, as if he ll be happy when he see this gal stress over some other guys, like his frens?

and he actually had a gf and he stil flirt around, somemore using stupid method where everyone knows he is a lousy player instead.

and he told this gal that his fren reali reali like her and had never seen his fren been so serious b4, and then he turned around and told his another fren that, "this gal so stupid la, my fren didnt even bother to be wif her ", and he alwiz call this gal as "good fren"

as if this gal cares

*roll eyes*

and he actually asked this gal to help him out in knowing that gal, and he ended up ignoring this gal and act as a gentleman in front of that gal, so he still call this gal a good fren...

as if this gal desperate for his care

* ROLL EYESSS *

well then this another bastard came in, he actually confess to this gal and said he loves this gal

so when this gal thought it is true and he said its too fast for them to be together

so he said he ll use longer time to prove that he loves this gal

so 2 months later he got a new gf

so 2 months are not fast for him to kno a new gal

so "too fast" appears to be an excuse

so he thinks this gal care bout him?

so he doesnt kno this gal don even give a damn on bastards

* ROLL EYESSSSSS *

My S8 People, Our Gathering smile

2007-03-21T16:08:00.000+11:00

Since ppl asked for updates...yea i think i should update about my S8 gathering on last saturday..er.. sorry it was quite long time ago, but i alwiz cant spare out time to blog.. n i jz got the photos of S8 gathering not long ago =p

yea that was the er.... *4gotten*th gathering of S8, i got very excited each time i knew i was going to meet this gang of monkey classmates altho everytime i oso ended up quite quiet when i met them cuz... i was alwiz the ONE AND ONLY left-out-GIRL... If u could recall, there were oni 4 gals in my class in Taylor's College last year.. the other gals absent for gathering quite often except HAPPENING ppl like ME ! ahaks..

well our gathering was planned to be in The Curve, befor the reunion dinner, we went for a movie named Pan's Labyrinth and it was the MOST violent movie i've ever watched, i swear !! It was really shocking when the cruel captain's mouth was cut by a WOMAN, yea i said a WOMAN, and he was actually sewing up his own torn left cheek himself... well

WOMEN RULE !!!

after the movie, we went for pool and foosball, yea the daily activities that S8 ppl do during breaktime when we were in Taylor's coll, kinda miss those tyms when we alwiz go Asia cafe and FTZ cyber during break time, then we alwiz late for classes *giggle* (especially for MR.SAM's classes !!) ... and....i won BRYAN in pool !!!

ok that was not the main issue, hehe

ya then everyone was there (well, not everyone actually).. and its kinda surprise that they called up Ms. Ng too for the dinner, our so called favourite teacher ! and i shall say she is actually the most HAPPENING teacher in Taylor's becuz she joins almost every single gathering activities of S8 !! yea..she's a sweet teacher, miss her strict way to lecture us and the sarcastic way she talked to the boys in class...haha

ok cut the craps down and let the pics do the talking..^^

"YA we are idiots, SO?" by Shearn, Shawn, Bryan, Kok Hui and Alan.

yea we went to Marche, The Curve for our reunion dinner, that was the first time i tried out the food there and it was nice actually, jz that the spaghetti i orderd was like damn suxxxx and expppp =.=

now u kno why he is named SH...SH...SHawn..

* Shawn Sohai * on the screen

well the S8 people are reali a bit abnormal...

except the completely normal, awesome, smart, nice, FABULOUS ME ! eh hem^^

and another a-bit-normal-than-the-other-S8-people one, Siew Chung...

yea thats the S8 i love the most actually... =)

TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK S8!!! =D

Babes Babes

2007-03-17T15:12:00.000+11:00

Babes Babes

don kno will u be reading my dull+not-creative blog, but im here jz to tell u

These few days we did argue a bit bout the assignment thingie.. but babes babes, i aint complaining on ur works, u did a good job and i know i could have not done as well as urs, but i was jz givin my opinions on certain things and i hope u kno that are just opinions and we can actually argue over it to check out which is more appropriate, this is group works rite? =)

i can see a bit "mm song" in ur eyes this few days, but anyway, we haf same goals, same personalities and i hop we can work for it together ? =p yea yea dont u realize our personalities are soooo much in similar? thats the reason why we argue sumtimes, cuz we r both kiasu, both WAN FACE, both stubborn and both D*sP*RAt* (leave it to you, haha).. i hope we wont fall into the same guy in the future huh?? *sked sked*..
haha..

jz wanna tell that no matter how, we shall share anything together la okok? including tips of exam, ahaks... n im sure i will do so too, cuz.. *we are frens* ! =)

it even still surprises me now that im so much closer with you this year since we didnt even give a smile at each other last time, ahaks..

So OKAY OKAY? babes babes.. ^^

Am i really THAT bad??

2007-03-13T21:37:00.000+11:00

Just feel like blogging now..

i kno everyone is bored wif my complains bout my life everytime, but i stil wanna blog it

yea cuz im not so good now

people think my life is good.. alotsa frens, alotsa parties.. did well in studies.. but... do i really?

jz happened to read my sister's blog..but, no offence, i somehow felt reali down.. i started to feel jealous wif her life ( hopefully she is not reading, ahaks )

yea she got true frens, nice darling, good personalities ( uh huh? ), but yet she was complaining, ya everyone complains even when they're actually good enough...

i don kno why m i so lonely, i mean wat so irritating bout myself, i don haf any close frens, i mean, REALLY close... my sis had got her frens who r good to her, enjoy life wif her, plan surprise birthday party for her, and whereas me? am i reali THAT hard to approach.. yea im everybody's frens but nobody would like to get closer wif me, why?

m i appear to be THAT bad to everyone? yea im loved , but whenever there are guys come after me, they wont be good ones ( i mean most of them ), and even nowadays, the oni guys who like me are those wif GIRLFRIENDS ! hey wat the heck?? m i reali THAT desperate to you guys? m i reali THAT bad gal to u guys? or m i jz reali THAT stupid that u think im good to be fooled around? can u guys JUST back to ur gfs' rooms and stick wif them and don make troubles on me??!

Am i reali THAT smart? since i was young people around put hope on me, they expect me to be smart alwiz, they think scoring good results is aredi a must for me, therefore i don even get award whenever i score good results becuz they think i should had scored it... but whenever i got bad results, okay people look down on me...
whenever i was having exam or doing assignment, waves of stress surged over me and i will be start thinking that, "everyone thinks im smarter than my sis, so since she did so well in uni, y cant i? and seriously why cant i !!?? " cuz i seriously dont think im doing good now !! i dont even dare to guarantee that i ll be entering melbourne uni nex year..

now im gonna be myself

i haf to admit that i reali cant live without love
i haf to admit i need ppl's compliment to keep me confident
i haf to admit that i m lazy and i enjoy chilling out and partying
i haf to admit i m impatient towards my family and frens that keep them dislike me...

but it doesnt mean i m reali THAT bad,

at least i m loyal whenever im in love
at least i study hard for my goals
at least i kno i love my family and my frens...

sumtimes i even feel frustrated that y cant i be normal good girl like my sis, jz stay at home and study, listening to music, doesnt need to chill out so much and don even care bout party life, those are the reasons why she've got tons of GOOD frens and a good bf... but THAT'S JUST ME ! how can i change?? i like noise, happening places, jz becuz i scare being lonely !!

now i see why GOOD people don come to me.. why GOOD guys don like me cuz im not their cup of tea, and why GOOD frens don like to stick wif me, cause...

im NOT GOOD...

going aussie nex year n i wonder i would haf good frens to enjoy life there wif me?

and is BUSINESS reali my cup of tea?

i don't know... i don even dare to predict my future...

This is a Small Small world

2007-03-11T00:59:00.000+11:00

The world is just so small

Went to The Loft last night.. well it was quite happening, and i think its better than Ruums and the others? haha... alotsa model-like chix over there, n 'm so sorry to say that more than 50% of chix over there were taller than the guys, haha...guys, grow taller ! =p

was with Charlton and chun siong they all actually...and i never expect Joseph was there too!! i knew him last year, used to club together n we lost contact for like.. half a year? and i met him there ! ^^

then there is this guy coming together wif charlton and frens, and we didnt actually talk to each other at first, until..

this guy : i haven reali catch ur name?

me : oh, im chanelle =)

this guy : im anson =)

*shake hands*

this guy : so where do you from?

me : Johor, you?

this guy : *surprise look* reali? me too !

me : =D oh really?? which part?

this guy : segamat

me : =O ME TOO !!

this guy : *surprise look again* OHHH... which part of segamat?

me : Abdullah...how bout you?

this guy : er.. i was from Jementah =)

me : *surprise-look-again again* my kampung was Jementah !! =D

this guy : huh reali? hahaha...

me : Do u kno Sheeco Sdn.Bhd? tats my father's company..

this guy : OH.. !! So Che Shiau Yin is your relative?

me : Ahahaha... im her SISTER !!!

this guy : *surprise-look-again-again again* oh im her primary sch classmate !!

me : hahaha...

this guy : i think i saw u in frenster b4... wats ur nick in friendster?

me : i got five accounts..

this guy : oh me too =D r u familiar wif the nick "Peanut Seller"?

me : =O *surprise-look-again-again-again again* oh YOU ARE THE PEANUT SELLER !!!

*hahahhahahaha....*

well.. peanut seller was jz a guy under my 1st account frens list when i was only form 3 and we sent a few testi to each other b4...

a guy from my small small kampung---Jementah, studying together wif my sister when he was standard six, and saw me b4 when i was only standard 1 (according to him), and knew me again thru friendster when i was form 3, and i met him 3 years later in KUALA LUMPUR and in a club !!

the world is so small.. isnt it? ^^

wat a HAPPENING-LA-A-BIT day !!

2007-02-28T03:50:00.000+11:00

another stressful day today.. went to bangsar(which is the SUX place im staying now) to haf lunch during break time wif the babe --> chiew jeat and the others.. and i could oni order a plain mee hon soup.. jz for my diet plan =.=

went to the library oso, n i did study *happy*... but oni a few pages, haha... spending the whole day studying(not every single minutes la)...finished one and a half chapters by 12am, okay thats very lil but at least i studied

saw a lots of chun chix and cute guys around HELP this few days, which i never expected to see them in HELP, most probably there are new intake students... its good ^^ , but stil subang uni's the best ! alotsa chun chix and social butterflies, and alotsa youngsters' activities over there... haihz , was confused whether should i transfer to monash again...

today my hp is damn quiet, no one finds me today

*lonely*

haihz.. so miss my CNY time... the oni thing i had to worried bout during that time was..
---> wat to wear ler???

haha... but now, feel the stress, loneliness, and troubles comin to me =.=

ARGHHHHH, i cant go to Lee Hom's concert which my sister already bought me a RM200++ ticket !! becuz i got exam on monday !!

Shit..ppl's classes jz started and im having exam dy, suxxxxxxxxx !! HELP sux !! oopss..

The most happening Lunar New Year =)

2007-02-26T04:36:00.000+11:00

that was the happiest new year i ever had.. so relax, so enjoy, so happy, becuz i have YOU all ^^

this cny is fully-programmed and max-chilled !!

of cuz la i had my reunion dinner wf my family during new year eve, my sister cook and it was nice, and we had abalone too !! ^^ *heart it*

after dinner i met my best best fren in sgt --> m**k*y kang wen !! it'd been few months bac since the last time i met him, met him again and it was cool, i luv to hang out wif him ! of cuz he asked my other frens out too, who i knew for some years dy oso... k.boon.. c.ning... and c.hong.. so nice to see them and we did some stupid thing during this day.. which is...

PLAYING ELECTRICAL MOTORBIKE AND HELICOPTER !!!

well... sounds stupid and childish but it was fun that we did it in the big field in sgt, haha, that was the first day...i got closer wif them..

nothing much i did during the first day of cny, i went to wei yee's and c.ning's house.. met up wif some old frens, and of cuz, night i went out wif 4 of them again to mamak for some drinks.. ok again we got closer.... ^^

the second day of cny was the busiest and most happening one !! i got some gathering wif my exclassmates and we went to visit our old frens door to door.. each of them had changed, prettier..more mature.. and most of them are attached !! ahhaha..so nice to see them and gather wif them...there r some photos but they're not wif me =( i'll post it soon... hehe...

then at night, i went to my daddy's function for dinner, well, my daddy looked great as a president n o.c, hohoho...

thought i went home after tat? NO !! the night was still young la man..hehe , i went out wif 4 of my besttttt frens again!! to a lil a-bit-lousy-but-crowded pub in my hometown.. we had fun, we drank some liquor n i was a bit ...er...excited ^^

i danced !!

and i met many many old frens there in my hometown !! ^^

the m**k*y !! haha

they all r my best best buddies in sgt.. but unfortunately gals, they're all attached !! haha... and believe me tat..er...they all look better than in photos ! haha...

ya 4 of them...who brought me the joy during this cny... alwiz acc me and got me activities to do, tis 4 funny bros.. ^^

and of cuz i met some of my other frens in the pub..

my tuition mates during secondary sch..^^

third day of cny ==> gathering wif my lovely xue ji mates, then at night went gamble in my fren's house, hoho..my luck dis year is great, in fact this is the first year i learned to play cards, see wat i got for "chor dai di" !!

wohoho...im damn lucky rite !!! hahaha...

we did alotsa things else like barbaque, karaoke (altho karaoke in sgt sux), went all da way to malacca late at night jz to watch movie, and so on... reali having fun wif my frens, especially 4 of them.. =(

jz got bac here in kl and i feel so... SAD.. i don kno y i don like it here, stressful and the ppl here are not nice to me !! well some of them i mean... i EMO EMO EMO !! i wanna go bac to sgt and enjoy the great time spent wif my old frens !! i missssssss them damn much la ~~~

someone wan me to write sumthing nice here...ok la

KANG WEN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING ME THE HAPPINESS DURING THIS CNY!!!

satisfied?? hahaha..and..

KAI WEN, CHEN NING, and CHEE HONG...

you're the best !! ^^

exam coming soon...

since my mama said i fat dy so i mz go on diet

no more nice foods, no more fun activities, no more chilling, no more good frens

i emo !!!

HELP ME !! i wanna go bac sgt to see them again !!

i likey 'em laaaaaaaaaaaaa =>

2007-02-19T04:11:00.000+11:00

NEW YEAR NEW YEAR NEW YEAR~~!!

CHINESE NEW YEAR NOW WEIIII ~~~

new year new wishes new goals ^^

back in segamat and met my old frens, so happy to see them, so miss da old tyms i had in segamat suddenly.. more than 50% of my old classmates are attached ady wei, im stil single =.= hehe nvm la, slowly slowly, i believe i ll meet my cup of tea soon.. single for a longer time is to haf a better one in da future mah ^^

yeay decided to continue my studies in HELP, as i said, noELSESHITTYthing beats my MELBOURNE UNI and my family !! my most important goal and ppl in my life =)...valentine? who cares? its good to be single, good to be free, good to be independent... lonely sumtimes is better than having troubles in relationship... having the best one is alwiz better than simply grab one, hohoho =.= i remind myself to be FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS in studies , so tat i can get into melbourne U!! I BELIEVE I CAN !!! *i dont need a man* =)

jz met up my good frens in segamat, so HAPPY ^^

my 9-year-best-fren, number one biAtch !!!!!! hehe, she had became sooo prettyyyy and bitchyyyyy !! and she's so sweettttt in love ^^

i look soooo uglyyyy and fattt in dis pic but i haf to post tis up, cuz he is my 5 years punya BEST BUDDY !! he doesnt look THAT old in real life, hahahaha...

ooppsss, who is this?? haha...

i like my frens in segamat la, i like them laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

there are more photos coming up soon , this cny holidays is short but i think god blessed that i could spend it wif them.. *likey* *likey*

yupppppp peeeeeeeeeeeeeee =>

my emo-driving secrets

2007-01-23T18:20:00.000+11:00

i'd stopped blogging for damn long time again... why ? cuz im reali pissed and frustrated rite now.. i mean wats the point of blogging actually? for my own hell sake to sound out my problems, relieve my stress, shout out my unsatisfaction of anything ?? yea i thought tat is the purpose for me to blog...not to expose it to the public rite?? but then i think i've chosen the wrong way to release my stress, i cant blog on my personal prob that i don wan some ppl to kno right? i mean some ppl get reali mad after reading my blog, ok wth?? then where should i relieve myself? to whom i should talk to ?? i even don deserve to talk to this dead screen of my laptop?? jZ in short, im reali moody n emo, wanna blog it but i kno myself it's a secret...

many ppl asked me b4, y m i sooo emo everyday n there are oni a few happy posts in my blog..hell yea, i m damn miserable and i alwiz live that way.. i don kno wats wrong wif me, bcuz i m too pessimistic, or seriously bad things alwiz happened on me??

SECRET !

SECRET !

SECRET !!!!

there are too many things on my mind !! BUT I CANT TELL !! WTF !!!!!

I DONT CARE !!!

IM GOING TO SOUND THEM OUT NOW !

i jez decided to go HELP cuz i thought of transferring to melb uni nex year, and hell i made the wrong choice i guess... im getting unlike it, why? sum ppl made me hate it... one screw up wif me cuz for his/her reasons that i disappoint him/her, hell yea i don kno wats going on at all ! another one made me feel lucky to meet him/her in HELP but ended me up so miserable, and the another one, screw me up bcuz of me and that another one... sounds complicated? hah, u wont understand cuz i said it's my secret =.=

average of distinction is not easy to score okay?? yea i scored pretty well in SAM , and so?? i was taking subjects all about maths, maths, maths, and calculating ! tats y i scored well ! n wat the hell course im taking now? BUSINESS !! wat the heck is econs? marketing?? huh?? how can i score well like dis? i got no econs background like the others, i don even dare to start my marketing assignment cuz i scare i cant do it the best, n it's dued on tis friday !

i waited for u but i got nothing in returns
i m touched by u but i dont like you
i gave u the chance but u give it up urself
i like u but u're not my cup of tea
u're my cup of tea but u got things so complicated

wth m i talking bout? =.=

you wont kno cuz they're my secrets

somebody help me wif my assignment plz?

To give up or to take? Melbourne U or HELP?

2007-01-06T12:39:00.000+11:00

there's alotsa choices for me to make recently, i should say, ppl live to make choices =.= but once the choices are made, it's hard for us to change anymore... jz like sumone told me b4 this, "made choices, don look back" , well, even i don believe in that sentence anymore, somehow it's true that no changes should be made after the choice is made...

I was quite drunk last night, that was the first time i tried to get myself drunk, perhaps there are reali too many problems for me nowadays... i got to kno sumthing, when a guy likes a gal, he will definitely care bout that gal much, taking care of her and get worried if the gal angry at him, but things changed when the gal started to fall in love wif this guy, he tends to change and became arrogant,cuz he knows this gal mind bout him too, even when she is angry, he don reali care, he will alwiz wan the gal to take the initiative to do something wif him..... *TALKING BOUT YOU!!* well mayb i made wrong assumption, but these are type of guys i met, and there are only these type of guys i met, haha, sounds so pity huh me... somehow i tell myself now, i don wanna fall in love, thanks to someone, and another someone, to make me reali realized, I HATE GUYS

there are alwiz guys there for u, who r reali good to u and will appreciate u but they are alwiz not ur type..
there are alwiz ur type of guys out there, but they pay less attention on you...
there are alwiz a Mr.Right for you but it is alwiz not the right time...
So this is LOVE? then i don wan it, cuz i cant afford this tremendous burden

This depressing place made me wanna leave here, i'd scored a TER which allowed me to go Melbourne Uni, so y shouldnt i go? but i don kno wats made me hessitating, i'd paid a deposit of $740 rental for the new room in Bangsar so tat i can study in HELP for 1 year, then the second year transferring to melbourne U, but the campus sux for me (no offence k? i mean for me) ... i don reali wanna study there but no any other colleges can transfer me to melb u anymore... classes in HELP are starting on monday, i haven move to bangsar yet n it's even a problem for me to go to HELP from here in subang, i don kno whether i should go to the classes, or jz sign up for Melb U as the deadline is on monday, too!! speaking of which, i still left my result slip in my hometown and i cant go bac now to take, and tats y im blogging here cuz im bored to death here in subang!! arggghhh....should i go Melb U?? how can i go HELP on monday classes?? should i move to bangsar now? should i stay Aussie for whole 3 years like tat? should i ignore the environment of HELP and jz study there?

Should i give up love jz becuz of YOU jerk who made me changed? Should i left you like tat since u don care bout my feelings anymore? Should i leave this depressing place to Australia cuz i don wanna see YOU guys!?? Should i take u to heal myself? Should i wait for you, or you?? Should i believe in guys? Should i believe in fate?

*i wanna get drunk*

People tagged me, so mar do it lorr

2006-12-19T19:28:00.000+11:00

Ten random things about me:

1. Love singing and dancing
2. Vain
3. Emotional
4. Perfectionist and never gets satisfied
5. Alwiz end up relationships with grief
6. Easily fall in love, but not now, i perhaps
7. Enjoy being pampered
8. Enjoy being surrounded by frens and admirers, wohoho, so?
9. Do works last minutes but ll NEVER let it fail!
10. Jz a lonely gal currently

Nine ways to win my heart:

1. Buy me a Gucci bag (wakaka)
2. Of course Titus watch might help
3. I dont mind a LV purse too (hehe)
4. Actually a pair of sepet eyes wif sunny look will do
5. Show me u r smart and ambitious
6. Show me u r mature, true, sincere and loyal
7. Show me that im the best girl u had ever met (i kno it's hard, but im serious, hehe)
8. Compose me a song
9. Actually it's enough if u kno how to pamper me and u able to teach me something

Eight things I must do when I’m dying:

1. Date wif every single guys i like with no worries about our future!!
2. Slap every single guys who lies to me before
3. Erm... it's too wasted la to die a virgin, rite? =p
4. Seduce and take the initiative to grab my dream guys (becuz i don do it now, hehe)
5. Donates everything i have to those who need them (believe me^^)
6. Eat the nicest foods all around the world!
7. Check out who ll b crying for my death, hehe
8. Actually if im dying, i will jz stay home and wait for death la stupid! how to do so many things!

Seven ways to annoy me:

1. Backstab and gossip bout me
2. Commenting on my outlooks
3. Showing off
4. Ignore me without reasons (HATE !!)
5. Over talkative and alwiz think themselves are right
6. Keep me waiting for something
7. Be bitchy or romeo

Six things I believe in:

1. Fate
2. Horoscopes
3. Nobody is perfect
4. There are aliens
5. Life is unfair
6. I will meet my cup of tea one day

Five things I’m afraid of:

1. Loneliness
2. Falling in love
3. Being ignored
4. Fail to be one of the top ones in studies
5. Failure

Four of my favourite items in my room:

1. My clothes
2. My laptop
3. The aircond
4. MIRROR!!!

Three things I do everyday:

1. Online
2. Playing wif mobile phone
3. Emo

Two things I want to do right now:

1. I hope i can EAT !!
2. Chill out wif frens

Three people I tag:
1. Jet xin
2. Kok Hui
3. Karen Kok

wat lar shawn!!! spend me almost 2 hours on this!! hehe.... its even harder than doin specialist maths man... =p

S8 Langkawi Trip Part II

2006-11-28T14:16:00.000+11:00

so this is the 3rd day of our langkawi trip!! we went for island hopping, which we ll b goin to different islands by boat... we went quite early in tat morning, er...i did enjoy on the boat...but not really having great times on those "islands", simply bcuz my leg was so damn shitting pain after that 2 days of climbing up and down stairs....

after islang hopping..we were all so exhausted and we went back hotel to rest..of cuz we don waste our money to langkawi to sleep in the hotel, we went to the beach again nearby the hotel..again it was reali fun...and again..im doin the you-know-what-chanelle-will-do thing..hahahha

i kno this pose looks boring but i jz love it!! it made my face looks smaller anyway!! hahaha

this is da funny pic, why were everybody looking at the sand?? haha

making a sand beauty was still not amazing enuff for my awesome classmates, they made sand james bond tis time!!!!!! poor tze pin..being found out tat he looks like james bond wif his big size body and walking style and ended up being buried by the others..haha

the process of making the mascular james bond!!

yea that was JAMES BOND...er... excuse me..wat was tat 1 sharp and 2 round thingie..oops..its 18sx ok, sorry to the public for tis kind of unwanted attitude of BRIAN!! he made it!! very very carefully and diligently!! haha...

then, suddenly shawn was holding his camera and said,
"shiau wen, go and sit there and pose..take one artistic picture for shiau wen to put on her hp...blah blah blah.."

well...shawn knows me well, he knows i like to cam-whore and post nice photos!! so heres his master piece...named "the beauty emo-ing on the beach"...eh hem...oops, i mean "Chanelle emo-ing on the beach"...haha

of cuz he did take other very artistic pictures too...i think he will be posting them up in his blog soon..so there is no need for me to upload it here, hahahaha, i shall keep some spaces for my own pictures =p..but anyway , there is one picture i like very much..here it is..

shawn is PRO!! isnt he????

we stayed there until evening...dinner and all and da day finished...there are many places we went anyway..the bar there were so different and unique...they play different kind of songs..donkno wat they call it, but those songs got the "langkawi feel"...and they went to the most beautiful toilet in langkawi and all..haha.. mayb there were not much plans and not many places we visited...but wat makes the trip memorable was the time we spent together wif each other...i feel the bond, the frenships, i hop that was not the last group activities we haf... SHAWN WE LL BE HAVING REUNION,GATHERING AND STUFF AGAIN RITE!!?? YOU BETTER DO IT! DO IT DO IT!! haha...

i miss u guyssssssssssss, i loveeeeeeee you guysssssssssssssss... this is the first time i haf that strong feelingz , after hugging u all when we left that day, hehee...i kno it sounds disgusting but i reali reali reali reali MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!!! u all are simply the most amazing frens i ever had.. =p alwiz miss me u kno!! hehe....

waiting for the next S8 gathering....

S8 Langkawi Trip Part I

2006-11-28T04:19:00.000+11:00

YEAY u're rite..we s8 ppl..went for langkawi trip after prom night!! we started off the journey around 1am... i never expected i would have so much fun wif them there...reali reali unforgettable.. well there r too many photos here so i ll make my post 2 parts...

OKAY the PART I is here!!

after 8 hours of bus and 1 hour of ferry travelling *tiring*...finally we reached the LANGKAWI!!!!

basically the first day we didnt really haf activities together, we jz walked around the hotel and playin chess and all... oh yea, we did take our dinner together..hahaha..

and these ppl spent their night doin gambling..haiz..teenagers these days huh..hehe

er...we looked bored and like got nothing better to do in the hotel?? chill la..it was jz the first day..

me and some of them sharing out a bottle of 18 years chivas... during that 3 nitez we really really enjoyed it..it tasted soooo...hmm.....fantastic!! =p

well our first plan in the nex day, CABLE CAR, waterfall and BEACHES!! very early in the morning, we gathered in the lobby and waiting for the vans to send us...well, while waiting, chanelle is doing some kind of you-know-what-chanelle-will-do thingie...yea u're rite! cam-whoring!!wakakaka...

and its in shearn's cap...and er...paiseh, i lost it =p sornieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

well then...we reached the place and it was reali a nice place to hang...wif the beautiful mountain and sea views..it's so relaxing to enjoy the environment...blah blah blah... OK LAHHHH, i mz say like dat okay!! actually i was so damn tired of walking up and down staircase under BIG sun while suffering from the starve and mosquito bites...hehe, but worth it la can take nice photos ^^

after that, we went to the place i wanted to go the most.. the BEACH!!! i had never been to the beach for like more than 10 years!!! this is the first time i jump into the sea and felt the cool water...it was so relaxing and nice...wif the other ppl making so much fun, making sand beauty and catching crabs (the uncle shearn's crab farm!!) ..haha...

yea they're trying to make a sand beauty.... check out the result...

sexy rite???? we named it "kai xian's gf"!!!

yea the photos tell...we had alotsa fun...it was reali my first time!! enjoying myself on the beach!! i reali reali love it alots....

okay so the 2nd day passed...lets proceed to the langkawi trip PART II!!

the SAM prom night

2006-11-28T03:14:00.000+11:00

SAM is finished!! its a mixture feelingz of excited and sadness, but of cuz sad is more =(... im happy that finally i managed to finish the hard course, im like damn free now... SAD of cuz bcz of the FRENS!!!! oh how i miss taylor's coll, taylorians...S8...the lecturers... and i even miss the stress i had!!! so here comes the prom night..which i was so looking forward all tis while...

i was reallyyy stupid.. i bought 3 dresses, borrowed 1 from my sister, and i didnt wear them at all, i wore my fren's...cuz i like it more..damn...wasted alotsa money.. "-=$$$=-"

on 22/11, thats our day!! around 2 sumthing i went to a saloon to set up my hair..make up and all, hmm...at first i was quite satisfied wif the result...

well..the photo doesnt look clear, but i really like the natural curl of my hair that day... i so wanna tat kind of hair alwiz...but wth!! the curls gone when im ready to go for the prom!!!!!! it bcame almost straight yet not shining kind of straight nice hair, it looked messy and made my prom night photos all look sux!!! but anyway... ppl wont pay attention at me oso cuz there were tooooooooooooo many gorgeous guys and gurls tat nite!!

around 7 sumthin...ah lik came to fetch me to the prom night and i got an surprise...

omg...the last time i got flowers..had been like...almost 2 years ago?? sobz sobz.... thanks alotssssssss!!!!!!!!!!! *grin*

then the night started..as i mentioned b4 there were really many gorgeous guys and gurls that nite..the performances were great but the food..err.... *hehe*

ok la altho the photos were really not nice..but jz as memories..i jz post it up la... =p

me and wei lik...

samantha, me and her cousin..

siew chung and mr.stylo...

the joker yi sung..

my funny specialist maths teacher!!

jet xin my housemate..

the hiphopper robin..

me and john...

SEE!! my hair SUX tat nite!!! anyway i didnt stay long tat nite oso..cuz i was rushing for LANGKAWI TRIP!!! hehe, it was a GREAT one!! no regrets goin there wif my S8 ppl!!! well..the nex post..will be THE LANGKAWI TRIP.....

Emo of the year 2006

2006-11-18T18:13:00.000+11:00

had jz finished reading the old blogs i had, there were so much memories ^^ ... time passes so fast, its all over right now, everything now is different, n i noticed now im really different from how i used to be, well i prefer the old me, having direction and purpose of living, i aimed for my studies, and i knew i could enjoy life wif my ex, now, i still aiming for my studies, but my pre-u course is finishing, so im kinda lifeless now, yea rite i was having alotsa activities wif frens but..it was like quite meaningless... life still haf to b effectively used rite? There is too quiet and peaceful in my life now, i mean..no ups and downs, no surprises, no special events, its jz...became very simple now... the year 2006 is going to end, there were so many things happened tis year..

the taylor's next top model competition ---> met new frens and admirers(kekeke) ---> met my ex ---> sprained my ankle ---> ginvera total makeover challenge ---> break up season ---> back to normal

See, the plot of my life was going cronologyly, haha..there were climax and oso simple ending... there were bliss and grief, but finally now, i had gone thru dy.. suddenly i felt sad of it, im so gonna miss the taylorians and S8-ians much... it was actually the greatest thing to meet all of them in my life, the s8.. i really gonna miss u all alots!!! wowwwwwwwwww, its really hard to describe my feelings rite now,there were jz too much of memories playing on my mind, and i jz couldnt imagine it was all passed now! it was jz like not long ago that i stepped into taylor's coll the first day, n the strange feelings i had, its really like a few days back that i jz came to kl and started my new life, yea i had a new life, my life is totally different now from wat i had in my hometown...n i kno myself that my thinkings oso changed, no matter in the way of living life or the way to love, totally changed.. yea, im not ashame of saying that..chanelle is becoming more mature now...

sumtimes its jz good to be alone, everyone needs to learn, nobody for u to rely on, everyone needs to be independent, gals don haf to be too girlish and sticky, its 20th century rite now, and i had came accross alotsa guys saying that they prefer independent gals..yea, standing alone can make ppl realize alotsa things, even sumtimes make ppl helpless, but its a way for ppl to learn and grow anyway.. ^^

yea i learned alots *year 2006*

Keep reading the craps here!!

2006-11-12T23:24:00.000+11:00

WOW.....there had been more than one month i didnt blog!! im BACK now my frens!! ^^

sorry for leaving my blog blank for the previous month, i was jz taking sumtime to heal myself...
calming down myself, chilling out wif frens, party-ing, shopping, and STUDY!! yea the month was like empty, i couldnt recall wat was i doing for that whole month... it was jz a horrible time to recall...the oni thing i could remember is, my family comforted me, by my side all da while, my frens talked to me whenever i need them, i chill, i watched tv, i played piano, kept calling frens to go out, i cant even stay at home for more than 12 hours...wow it was reali hard for me to describe how i went thru the months...but throughout the month, i gained many things...i gained the love and care from my family and frens, i realized their importance, and i appreciate, they r the oni people, who wont leave you whenever u need them!!!! and of cuz, got to kno some new frens, tat was the most precious thing to haf!! hey hey guys , dont think that i was jz wasting my time wif those so called "lifeless" activities, i did study!! haha... omg, the exam was sooooooo hard, but at least, i did try my best, with the company of my frens, i studied hard! (actually it was last minute works, hahaha!) i tried to catch up everything that i missed out in the previous month since i ignored my studies for almost whole month for the reason of being too emo, hahaha....luckily, i could finished up everything...although not doing really well... the s8 was treating me quite well in the month, having alotsa activities wif them, movie, buffet and fun classes!! SAM is going to end...sad case =( , we shall chill out together in the future ya!!! im so grateful...*grateful* *grateful* *sobzz sobzzz* grateful wif everything tat im having now...but however, u kno me, i ll NEVER satisfy oso, HAHAHAHA

actually there were alots of things more to blog about, and there are loadssssssss of photos!! but er...accumulated too much, don kno where to start from, well...my exam is still going on, i still haf to focus on my studies first b4 i could spend my time blogging, haha, but of cuz, still, life, needs to be enjoyed!!! chill to the max !!!!

wanna go shopping and party, i wan more and more hot chix frens!!! haha =p , of cuz gentlemen are welcomed too...

Single for [ 38 ] days

- the end of the craps -

This lil lonely silly abandoned girl

2006-10-02T16:53:00.000+10:00

There was the sweet love for her
A lil girl who was protected well
Given the happiness
But also sadness

With the guy staying beside
looking into her eyes and promised
He loves this girl
forever and ever
He sacrifices for this girl
As long as she is happy
He endure everything
just to go thru the hardships
The strong bond between them
made them loving each other even more
after the ups and downs

This silly lil girl
demand more and more
as he is giving more and more
She is crying again and again
when he is giving the love again and again
She screams and cries
He was calm and down

Until the day...

He's telling this girl on her birthday
saying it's not the right time
He'd done everything
But she couldn't satisfy
With all the stress he had
he couldn't endure anymore

He said,
"I'll come back to my girl
when it's the right time."
But "Dear dont leave me,
you promised not to give up,
no matter how,
you would bear and smile,
because I know you love me."

She's crying and crying
Heart tearing into thousand pieces
She'd never expected
This guy who loves her so much
tends to leave her
so insist to leave
even when she's crying

"I'll change my dear,
give me some time,
and i'll prove to you"
And "Okay dear, as long as you can change, I will treat you like a princess, once again"

This lil silly girl
so keen to see him
She went to his house
to grab the love back

She realized everything
that she own a great guy
She understand
to love is to let him happy
She promised to herself
She will pay back to him
as how much he gave her

She met him
wanted to hug him
but she just feel strange
He hold her hands
and walk along the fear

She asked "Are you happy to see me?"
But "It's complicated, please don't ask why my dear"
She kiss him
as the way she used to be
He stoned and said
"Baby, i cant feel anything when you kiss me"
This lil girl broke down
From a guy who loved her more than enough
To a girl who loved him tons of the much
"The feelings gone. I feel strange"
"Baby do you love me?"
"Yea baby i love you, but not as before, things would never go back anymore,
cause im overloaded
and i feel dumb"

She's taking up a pair of scissors
scratching on her wrist
"I wanted you to come back
cause i thought you love me, still,
but now you are so cold,
cause you don't feel me"

"I send you home,
i feel uncomfortable with you."
He wanted her to go
He did not want to face her
Keeping the scissors away
He was crying
"I love you but i feel nothing,
when you hold my hands,
when you hug me,
when you kiss me."

This silly lil girl
Thinking back the past
The sweetness
and how she leaned against his chest
How he protected her
How she feels the love
all that became memories

She wants to smile to him
like a baby kid
She wants to be hugged up high
like a daddy-darling hugging
She wants to hold his face
and struggling on his cuteness

But she knows
He can't feel it
He can't accept the current her
He won't be back
anymore
She is now,
a stranger for him

But she,
drunk in the sea of love
She's so silly girl
There was the sweet love for her
A lil girl who was protected well
Given the happiness
In the memories remembered

The lil lonely silly abandoned girl....

neutralisation needing for the negative side of me

2006-09-26T10:49:00.000+10:00

i've changed back again..to be pessimistic.. to be very 'negative'..

in secondary school, many of my frens advised me befor, asked me to change this kind of attitude...asked me to think positively, and learn to be satisfied wif everything i had...

yea, after i came to KL, i learned to do so, i'd been enjoying my life, so active in everything in knowing more frens, to be more frenly and try my best to get everything done well... yea i did it, n i satisfied wif myself, happy wif wat i had..

but after i sprained my ankle a couple of months ago, everything like went wrong..

tat few months i stayed at home everyday, n i was like quarantined against the world outside... A few of my frens turned not right, they should b concerned bout me as FRIENDS rite? but they r not, jz bcuz i couldnt join them in daily activities and being outdated a bit, they left me out..this is so called "frens"....

i thought i've got a lotsa frens in college last time, yea in fact i did haf.. either gals, or guys... i reali think they r frens, but u kno, after i've got a boyfriend, everyone stays far apart from me, even the gals..

i used to go "yum cha" wif my frens most of the nite, go shopping, movie, pool wif them, but now, gals said " don wan lar, u go wif ur bf lar, i don't kno ur bf well oso, paiseh " , and guys...in fact i wont go out wif them anymore.. but for some cases, a few of my guys frens even didnt talk to me, or stay far from me after knowing tat i'd got a bf..

yalar, i admit, i spent most of my time on my dear, i just cant help.

my class used to haf a strong bond..but it doesnt last long, ya mayb they did, im not inside the group. 80 percents of our class are boys, they have their own topics, they have same interests. for me, im not so close wif the gals in my class, in fact, i aredi feel annoyed wif sum of them, they r jz ...weirdoes.. i mean 'some' of them...might be one of them, or two? i don kno lar... and me? guess wat, now EVERYDAY break time i stay alone in class, bcuz none of my classmates i can joined to go for lunch. for every class i sit alone in front, i felt so isolated. Seeing my classmates even can be very close to the other gals from other classes, i started to think, is it any problems wif me? becuz im not frenly? or jz becuz english is not my daily-speaking language?

most of my frens are outside from my class, or even outside of my college now... but wat for? one of the requirements of good studying environment is "friends" rite? i dont meet wif this one, so wat more to say wif my result?

after the injured case of my leg, i missed out quite alotsa class, i used to maintain my result quite well, but after tat, i felt hard to catch up, after failed to catch up, of cuz u couldnt do well in the following chapters! no one in class for me to ask for help, n i started to feel lazy to catch it up, even lecturers noticed my changes...ya cant maintain the results as befor, but still not so bad lar, at least i'll fight very hard for the finals.

i thought i can stand all these things wif my dear besides me, but now even me and him had got a lotsa of ups and downs recently. its even very hard for me to meet him. love is sweet yet its painful sumtimes...

feel like shopping but theres some problems wif my financial situation after buying a new hp bcuz the old 1 had spoilt... even wan to go shopping oso cant find frens to go along wif, n oso no time for it due to the tremendous Self-Abuse Matriculation aka Stress At Max aka Stress Application Matriculation aka South Australia Matriculation......

so now.. no more frens, no more satisfying results, no more hang-out buddies, no more shopping, no more peaceful love... wat else i haf?

im not self-satifying
im not satisfy wif myself from head to the toes
im not satisfy wif wat my dear gives
im not satisfy wif wat my family gives
im not satisfy wif my social life
im not satisfy wif my studies

whereas ppl alwiz think i'd have all of those things completely from their views, yea FROM THEIR VIEWS, as they don noe my situation..they r not me, they dont kno jz bcuz im trying to hide

im so demanding, so perfectionist, this i cant change
but i wont b like last time, showing all these faces to the others
jz at least keep in my heart, and express it in my blog

my birthday ll be coming in 2 days time, i wonder how many wishes i ll get, will it be as many as last time? i don think so..
im going to throw a party on saturday, but wat for? no frens oso, its even hard to invite frens to come even its free for them. So as my mother said, y should i waste enormous amounts of money to throw a party, jz invite a few close frens to haf a meal la...ok, "mummy, i got no close frens, so at least i can invite a large bunch of ppl to my party to persuade myself i actually haf frens, i rather do that to embarass myself" of cuz i didnt tell her bout tat...

high expectation crushed everything we had, right?

GInvera Reunion Night splendid one

2006-09-25T18:26:00.000+10:00

update update, finally i got to update my blog, writing sumthing on last last saturday =.=
actually nothing much to blog about, it was the Ginvera Total Makeover Challenge finalists reunion, jz see the pics, u ll kno the bliss i shared wif them tat day, without words, u can see it.

The organizers, chuah, brandon and i

dresser, me, chuah, the winner brandon and mr.beauty skin victor

yyea, yao yeng rite? =p

this is the prettiest gal among us as i think, andrea ^^ very nice gal

got the prize, hehe
look at the head "hanging" there...poser...

self-obsessed

this is the most kacau-able Alan... cheeseee

ms beauty skin cece, very sweet one oooo

ginvera is full of surprises...i got a "surprise" birthday cake to celebrate my coming birthday, so sweet... so happy ^^

see, i told u Alan is very kacau-able

here's the cake!! ruined cake =.= haha

woooottsss, poser wannabe

laalala...blurry-and-stupid-but-lengchai partner, Brandon, the winner, woots, ur name became very long , hahaha

the coordinater Ryan

sunny RAY, type YBS03 send to 32618 to vote for him in BoySearch2006, he is the finalist!

AH TAO for this event, shellies

laarrrhhh....all the posers lar...

OKAY!!! HERE WE ARE!!!!!!!! i miss you guys! i miss the time we had! so nice to kno you all!! muuuaaaxxxxxxxxxxxx~~~

The most unforgettable contest, the greatest expecience, the most special frens

2006-09-12T21:24:00.000+10:00

The Ginvera Total Makeover Challenge Finale had finally over...and finally i got time to blog on it after so many tests and after i got all the pics to upload here....

As u all kno, i practised n trained myself and diet so hard jz for this contest, i faced alotsa stress, including failed to cooperate well wif my partner, havin a hard time to practise the dancing wif my partner since my steps were extremely not-easy. KENA FFK by my partner for a few times, it's a very short time for me to practise everything , n i even thought of giving up...

and on tat day, i felt, i would never regret of joining it...

we reached there by 12.30pm, of cuz, my partner late again, came almost at 2 sumthin, while everyone else reached on time. we had a full rehearsal on the stage of zouk. n we met the MC, he was funny, n we talk to each other alotz^^, he is an indian, but he can speak chinese, cantonese n english!!

the time was so tight n we were busy make-up-ing, changing outfit, setting up hair, n kinda things. i wore the Mickey sponsored shirt, which i didnt like it very much, for first catwalk, we'd got dressers, make up artist n we r jz...like supermodels!! then, at 6pm, we were all ready. Andrea(another contestant) told me that my dear was aredi outside, waiting. N then i went out, n i saw him!! oh i was soooo happy, he came so early to support me!! n i saw my classmates n housemate oso, they couldnt reali recognized me wif thick make-up(hehe), then my dear snapped a photo for me.

first outfit, sponsored by Mickey, 3.6

Then, right on 7.30pm, the show began... we were all so nervous, especially me, very worried tat i forgot my steps n oso my speech.

It was a long wait, becuz we had to line up n get ready first behind the stage while the opening performance and speech by blah blah blah were going on.. n therefore, we took a couple of photos!! *wink wink*

yin chi, ray and chanelle, aren't they gorgeous?

me and alan, a part-time model

This is victor, he is the finalist of Rexona King also! and he is my "daughter's "fren! ^^

Ray is one of the finalist for Boyz Search 2006, does he look sunny?

Some other contestants and one of the organizers....

leng chai leng luissssss ............ hehe

okie...this is my blurry n stupid partner, brandon, hehehehe

while we were snapping photos very excitedly, we heard : " CONTESTANTS, GET READY GET READY!!"

then we were so nervous and quickly stand properly, ready ourselves to haf a nice catwalk.

Our day.....BEGAN.....

this is our first pose when we r supposed to has catwalk 4-by-4, sweet? hehe, my dear jealous alotsss =p

"Hi everyone, my name is Chanelle, im 18 years old this year, n im from Taylor's College. I love everything bout music, n i love dancing, so, WATCH MY STEPS, remember, im F 7!!"

hmmm....ok lar.. i spoke like..not bad hor? kekeke

after a few rounds of catwalk, we quickly change our 2nd costume to get ready for the talent performance, the backstage was so messy and rush. I was really scared, my dance was NOT an easy dance, im serious, Brandon haf to swing me , n i've to jump n half-flying to Brandon so that he can carry me up, n i've to make SIX spins in only a few seconds! it took me much effort to practise on this dance..thx to AMY who taught me the steps ^^. Anyway, i was so worried that i fail to do the spins and Brandon fail to carry me well, i was sooooooo scared.

"Okay, here comes the GROUP 6! Believe me, all the guys out there, this girl is REALI delicious..."

OMG, wats the MC talking bout?me?? delicious?? hehehe...i dun deserve the word la...

wait, i need to perform dy, so Brandon went on the stage n did his beatbox tricks.. then i went out.. played keyboard and also sing, it was a musical drama, Brandon had to act as if he was attracted to my singing n invited me to haf a dance... and then...our performance...FINALLY, ended... n i heard very LOUD applause!!

when we got down the stage, every contestants shake our hands and said we did a very good job, they expected our group to win, n i aim for this prize oso, since i don think i can win the ms.ginvera award.. hehe..but ...at last, we didnt get the prize oso, i don kno y, but i think our performance...seriously, quite deserve it, but nvm, judges sure have their reasons for not choosing us, =)

so , this is my secound outfit for talent performance, im no.7

after the talents show section, we haf to quickly change into dinner wear again, to go on stage and wait for results.

the finalist 3 pairs, the mr. and ms.beauty skin, n the best talent performance awards (GRRRR...) had been awarded...well, i didnt get anything, i expected, but not for the talent one, u kno lar, hhehee, altho i was a failure, we r still forced to smile very broadly n non-stop-ly altho we were so sad,embarrassed and we haf to resist for the pain of our mouths =.=

so...let the finalist 3 pairs compete lar! i could go backstage n relax, i was sooooo desperate to see n hug my dear... so i quickly cleaned up everything after the whole function was over, so that i could go out n meet my dear.

sigh, they were taking a lotsa photos after that, i missed out, n i only able to take one pic wif Chua. So, the night was over! the Mr.Ginvera is BRANDON!!! wat the...!!!! he was the one who didnt put effort at all lar!! haih...wat to do, ppl leng chai mah...hahahah, anyway, he deserved lar...of cuz he had to thank me for planning such a wonderful talent performance for him to win, woohhoohohohoho~ =p

So, it's time for party, all da grief and disappointment, swing it away wif the dance!! hehe...thx to jet xin who came n support me..shes the only one ... my bestest kawaii fren...

among 20+++ of my classmates, only 2 of them came to support me, sigh...i kno im not frenly n i m not adorable, no frens, no one likes me ... sob sob

but nvm.... disappointed on the failure, disappointed that my frens didnt come n support me, NEVERMIND...cause at least...i had my most precious thing...my love, my dear, my hubby, muaxx muaxxxx...seeing other contestants' bfs were not free to come n support them, i knew im lucky to haf him, support me all da while ^^...

ya the nite was over....

n everything was over

such a special experience, such a good training, such a group of GREAT frens, it was reali gonna be one of the most unforgettable thing in my life. i love them n i miss them soo much, even the orginizers, i miss them alotssss!!!!!!!

thx to the Ginvera staffs who made this possible, n brought such a wonderful experience to us. i m a lucky gal to experience this, im so lucky....

I MISS ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our Ginvera reunion is gonna be on this saturday, going to see them again!! but..i m gaining alotsa fats after trying to release after a fortnight of hell-diet and after the contest...charmmm...how to see them lar....

p/s: this event would b broadcast on Ntv7, 5/10 and 12/10, 8pm, remember to watch kkkk!!! ^^ see the glow of us---->the 16 Finalist of gorgeous guys and gals (Except me lar) ....

*love**love*

The 1st rehearsal of Total Makeover Challenge

2006-08-27T15:17:00.000+10:00

it was 25/8, here i came to 1st rehearsal of the Ginvera Total Makeover Challenge.. it took me long time to find the way to the Ginvera Office in Kajang..the road there r reali complicated..

i was the first one who reached there.. after a few minutes, i saw 2 REALI pretty gals came in..then i was like "shit, they muz b the contestants, too. f*cking pretty mien..."

then i saw another BEAUTIFUL woman..i thought she was one of the contestants, but i was surprised when she told us that she was our trainer, to teach us catwalk, she is quite an interesting woman la anyway...

then another contestant came in...
OMG!!! gorgeous like *()^%#@%^& WAT?? like a superstar weii!!

at this moment, i was aredi thinking of quiting the contest... then i saw another tall-like-a-model-gal came in wif keyboard.... my goodness, they all r reali beautiful n talented...

a few gorgeous guys and gals came in then, they're the contestants,of cuz.

after that, our trainer taught us on catwalk, i was so dumb mien...others walk like supermodels, n me...*sigh*, n i found it was reali different from the "taylor's next top model" event which i joined in my coll b4 this..it was so..."cincai", n this is so formal and kinda big event... our trainer was so PRO, this is the first time i kno wat "catwalk" actually is, it is really not easy...

i noticed i was the youngest among the contestants...some of them r aredi 20++... n the organizer told me tat i muz leave zouk straight away after the contest on the finale bcuz im underage...*&^^%$$#*&......

after a few sections of training... the organizers told us that we've to present our talent show right on tat rehearsal day.. oh hell, i was so-not-ready!!! But they insisted us to present cause they're going to match us in pairs based on our talents. *half-dead*

the gals presented one-by-one, they were not prepared actually, presented very spontaneously. At first, i thought many ppl ll be doing dancing, or singing, but i was wrong. Nobody was goin to dance, almost all of us r going to either sing or play keyboard... 3 gals include me r going to play keyboard, 4 gals include me again r going to sing, bcuz im going to sing and play keyboard at the same time i guess...but i was reali not confident in it, bcuz the other were REALLY good in keyboard n singing, i m NOT joking ok, they're reali PRO.

then it was my turn, i was not ready therefore i jz simply played "Canon in D" wif another gal's keyboard very lousily, cuz i was so panic n not used to keyboard... after tat, they asked me to sing, so.. i sing... luckily i was not doing tat bad...

then..i was matched wif another guy from inti college subang jaya, which is jz located beside my college...he would b doing basketball tricks and beatbox, WALAO eh, how to match wif keyboard and singing then???? =.=

at 6 sumthing... they send us to The Curve for wardrobe fitting in Mickey, our outfit sponsorer...
we spent long time in Mickey shop.. especially me, i m soooo fat n Mickey's shirts are sooooo small-sized!!!!!! i was reali going to go on a hell-diet!!! n finally, i got a set of outfits, a not-so-favor-me shirt n a reali mini skirt =.= (i need to swing all my fats in my tummy and legs!!).....

after the whole training sessions, it was aredi 8 sumthing at nite...i was sooo hungry but i was NOT going to eat!!! my dear came n send me home n the day ends...

it was exhausting, but yet it ll b an good experience which colour up my life, i kno ^^
after seeing the other's performance, i kno myself m not so going to win the contest but i will do my best anyway, my frens , support me!!

p/s: Get FREE tickets from me if u wanna come n support me =p, it's on 2/9 @ zouk, 6.30pm, above 18 kk???

I got into the final !!! i got in the final !!!!

2006-08-27T14:39:00.000+10:00

i was so determined that i wanna study very very hard in this 1 week study break, i carried ALL my books, files and notes home(johor), but until almost the end of the week, i didnt even touch them, not even TOUCH!

why?? cause...

tat day, i went for kind of reunion wif my ex-schoolmates, well, it was a splendid gathering, i reali love them so much, hanging out wif them was reali fun, in fact, i love gals' outing, it was reali interesting when all of us bitching around, gossiping around, and crazy around. i REALLY miss them sooo much, its hard to find frens like them anymore in college...

ok back to the topic, we, about 8-10 gals were yum cha-ing in nan yang(one of the famous coffee shop in segamat) suddenly..my hp rings...

caller: hello, miss cha-ne-lle is it?

me: chanelle...

caller: oops sorry ms.chanelle..i am calling from Ginvera.. remember u joined our total make up challenge when we were having roadshow in some colleges?

me: yaya... (getting excited)

caller: u're in our finalist, so can u come to our...

me: wait wait!! is it u all choose 8 gals and 8 boys among those colleges to get into the final??

caller: yaya...

me: and i am in???

caller: yaya... ( a bit beh tahan) okok...so our 1st rehearsal ll be on 25th of August at 12.30am, 2nd rehearsal on 31st of August, 9.00am, and the finale is on 2nd of september @ zouk, so will you come to our 1st rehearsal?

me: (quickly record down the time) sure sure...

caller: ok c u then.

i stoned for a while after the call, then i was like half-jumping into the coffee shop again,n i shouted to my frens, "I AM IN !! I AM IN!!"
they were like very stoned so i told them the thing very excitedly but after tat i was really regret...

I KENA CONNED TO PAY THE YUM CHA BILL!!

bcuz they said i muz treat all of them since i was successed... ok fine, since i was reali happy tat time, k lar, treating frens yum cha was not a bad thing anyway...

so here's the answer for y im not studying during the week..
i was so worried bout the talents show we were going to present on the finale, i wanted to play piano, but they don provide a piano, so i called up many ppl to try to borrow keyboard, after got it, i found it is very different from piano, i cant play classical music wif keyboard rite???
so i decided to ask for my dear's help since he learned keyboard and organ befor...

HEY i couldnt take it for granted k??

it is going to broadcast on NTV7 ok?? the prize is sooooooo luxury k???

Cash prizes RM3000
Ginvera Green Tea products worth RM4000
Lazo Diamond Jewellery worth RM4000
Mickey Cash Voucher Products worth RM800
30'' x 20'' portrait worth RM 880

and so on...

OMG, i mz go on a diet! im so not-going-to-eat-like-hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh it's so unbelievable.....

A guidance on how to make your gurl feel secured and happy

2006-08-18T12:01:00.000+10:00

guys, for you

gurl : " i jz wan u to be....i jz need.....do u understand?"
boy : " yea..i understand, i kno wat u wan , i kno wat u need...."

it's common dialogue, but guys..dont reali kno wat a gurl needs.

you keep on saying you understand, you keep on promising you ll change, but in fact, you don understand. Since you don understand, you wouldnt change oso.

wateva a guy do for a gurl , a gurl would never satisfy, even tho the gurl kno they guy had done everything for her. Bcuz gurls r very fragile human beings, they r soft, insecure, they need love, care, more n more care.

Some guys are intelligent, they kno how to please their gurls.

gurls are not troublesome, as long as u fulfill wat she wants, she ll melt, jz like when you try to please her when she is angry.

lets say you had promised her something but you couldnt do it bcuz of some certain reasons, why not you hold her face n say:
"oh dear, i'm so sorry, don angry don angry, nex time i "bou fan" ok??"
instead of
"why can't you understand? not tat i don wan to do but i reali couldnt, you kno im trying my best."

when you promised to come and meet her up, but you couldnt make it, cant you jz tell:
"my dear... i'm sooo sorry that i cannot come n see you today, i wanted to see you, reali, i come n look for you later/tomorrow kk? today guai guai at home sin huh.."
instead of
"i m not coming today cuz...(*blah blah blah* on certain reasons) not tat i don wan to come k, try to understand..."

look, the word "sorry" and the explanation on wat you ll do to replace the mistake are very important, and oso your tone.. soft down a bit, telling her like telling a baby, n u ll make her smile unconsciouly.

when your gal suddenly don talk to you, DON JZ KEEP QUIET!!
go to her, hug her n ask :
"wat happened dear? is it i had done something wrong? plz don be so cool to me, heartache ar..."
see, you should kno how to make your conversation more lovely and interesting, in order to make her laugh.

when your gal angry at you and walk away, never bother you and never sms you, y not you sms to her FIRST???
"dear, don't angry lar, sek fan k? i kno wat u r angry at, im sorry.."
instead of
"tell me wat happened lar, you don tell me how i kno?"

here's the point, even your gal angry at you without a reason, u mz "tum" her first, too. After her mood is turning better, then both of you can discuss about the matter.

so, if all above cannot works, sometimes small gifts might help. It doesnt need to be costly presents. Females are soft, even a flower, a card, a hand-made thingie would b enuff to melt her heart, i mean, if she reali loves u.
Go to her place, and put a flower or a card in her house,write some words to her, you don need to let her kno u had came.
Go to find her and give her a surprise. Keep in mind, it muz be a surprise
P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E is definitely very important, i mean, it's essential in order to please ur gal.

if you couldnt make her smile in the first time, try the 2nd time, if still cannot, try the 3rd time, until the girl tell u tat she doesnt love u anymore, then its time for u to stop.
if the girl never says so, means she loves you, so y dont you grab her back to ur arm? y should you give up on a r/s jz bcuz she is unhappy wif you for a few hours or a few days if u kno she's still loving you?

now, u kno how to please a gal.

and now, it's ur turn to tell me , how to make a guy understand a gurl.

The L.O.V.E is exceeded

2006-08-17T00:29:00.000+10:00

was having 3-days-coldwar wif my dear last week..tat 3 days were terrible, my frens said i was jz like a human without soul, my lecturer asked me y so moody n gloomy, i was soooo blur that i used my key to "unlock" my mobile but not my pad lock, i didnt study for physics n accounting tests cuz i cried whole day n i left them half blank, which was my first time to do tat, i cried in the class n my lecturer asked me if i need to excuse myself, it was terrible, it was reali horrible...

i don wanna tell the reason n how we got bac to each other here, but... we're fine now.. *love love*

Love ain't complicated, love ain't flowing with temper, love is wonderful, he said.

and i said, love is NOT easy.

its suffocating, its burdening, its tremendous, sometimes

but tis is L.O.V.E

i had bought a quiksilver wallet for my dear, becuz he said he like it, i wan him to be happy =)
then, i travel all da way to setapak by *H.A.T.E* public transport to give him a surprise, n of cuz, he was happy, i guess...

my life is filled by him, fully-filled... sometimes i m very miserable about tis, i want to see him everyday, every moment, every single seconds, but we couldnt, cuz i m staying in subang, he is staying in setapak, its DAMN far wei!! we argued bout tis for many many times, jz bcuz i couldnt see him for some hours.

*Im going to have a tears shortage, its finishing*

he done everything, he tried his best, i understand, but im not considerate.
i'd done my best, i demand more from him, he is considerate, but he doesnt understand.

Love is NOT easy, especially when it is exceeded, but humans still falling for it, the same thing goes to us.

no matter how hard it is, it need to be gone through.

It's suffocating, it's burdening, it's tremendous, it breaks heart sometimes, it's hurt.

But it's amazing, it's a bliss, it's happiness, it's irresistible, it's everyone's need.

and i wont give up, even the love is exceeded.

10 most-amazed-me food

2006-08-17T00:08:00.000+10:00

i've been living my life very blindly n meaninglessly, cuz i couldnt find my favourite food for almost 17 years, n now, I FOUND THEM!! OOO, i jz crazy over 'em!! i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 'em, try them out!!

1. Twist from Mcdonald

2. French Fries from Mcdonald

3. Big Mac from Mcdonald

4. Indomee from my dear^^/JS

5. Nasi lemak from Cabane/ BRJ/ Madam Kwan's

6. Fried Seafood platter from Fish Market

7. Salmon Sashimi from Sakae Sushi

8. Spaghetti from Friday

9. Cheese Baked rice from Kim Gary

10. Chocolate(Switzerland's Thin Layers) from Watson

我的爱情八“段”真言

2006-08-09T20:20:00.000+10:00

1.
世上没有东西叫做[容忍]，没有东西叫做[迁就]，因为它们到最后都会变成[遗忘]和[绝望]，有了[它们]，就没有[自尊]。选择[自尊]，就没有[爱情]，选择了[爱情]，那就请放弃[自尊]。

2.
承诺易许，坠爱易沉
相信承诺，是你出卖爱情
相信男人，是你出卖自己。

3.
再好的男人,女人都不会满足
再爱你的男人,也不可能完成所有承诺.

4.
男人: 我爱你, 不代表你能夺走我的自尊
女人: 我爱你, 你就是我的自尊

5.
男人: 你爱我, 你就得为我而改
女人: 你爱我, 就请爱我的全部

6.
男人: 为什么你不能体谅我?
女人: 为什么你不能了解我?

7.
男人: 我对你好, 是因为我要你知道我爱你
女人: 我对你不好, 是因为你不知道我太爱你

8.
如果你要我改, 那就请你放弃我,
因为你已不再爱现在的我, 你已经不能容忍这样的我

Rawking Ruums & Maison

2006-08-07T22:37:00.000+10:00

i was not reali into clubbing b4 tiz, my dear brought me to zouk once n it was..quite ecstatic... n i reaaliiiiiiiiiiiiii like to see my dear shuffle, so i asked him to bring me go tis time, to see him shuffle, n oso chill myself...so last saturday...i had my fourth clubbin' nite....

at first, we went Ruums, it was REALI boring, the music was loud n noisy, not nice summore, many ppl n very messy, felt like suffocating n my dear, n oso his frens didnt reali enjoy, too. But we took a couple of photos ^^

Heyyy, those bottles were not mine kkk?? heeeheee

see the glow of my dear's phatz! ROXORRR~~

Although it was reali boring in Ruums...but its great u kno when ur beloved was by ur side all da time *wink*

However, Ruums was definitely not our place...we decided to go to another club to c whether it would b better, which is Maison, which more of our frens r there...well, we had made a right choice, although its pretty hard for me to go in Maison after a lotsa troubles n helps from a few frens n ended up kena conned $20....

that was my first time to Maison...although it was small, smaller than Zouk n Ruums, but the decoration n interior design is GREAT n COOL, the sound system oso so much greater...summore i met my HOT & SEXY, LOVELY &amp; INNOCENT, CUTE & ADORABLE god daughter(well, my dear's god daughter in fact, n she called me "mummy!", so lovely)... i was having so much fun wif her..she danced wif me, introduced frens to me n oso sportingly offered some liquor for me... we dance hard!!

i told cheryl, "u're so HOT n SEXY!!" holding a "seductive" AK-47...

and she said : " Like mother like daughter!! right mummy??" *LOVELY*

*Cheerz the CHIVAS* it tastes so well....

it was a great nite anyway, dancing hard n chilling at max...

*party* *party*

ShOpaHoLiC

2006-08-06T15:59:00.000+10:00

i didnt mean to waste so much money since i had never been so unconscious b4...i wont spend more than my budget when i went shopping...but as a result of being cacat too long, n strong desperation of SHOPPING, i spent more than half of my bank account which my dad jz deposited money into it a fortnight ago... more than HALF of it!!!! im reali gonna be SO die...

i was sooooo soooo sooo excited that i ran around da shopping mall n seek for clothes very quickly...even my dear n jet xin oso left behind by me, haha...
at first..i was so sad dat i cant find anything to buy, i told my dear,"i wan to spend my money gao gao tis time!" well..unconsciously...u kno wat...everytime when u got not enuff money u ll see alotsa lovely stuff tat u were so desperate to buy,but when u'd ready the money to hav a good SHOPPING, u'll find nothing for u to spend off!

then...i went in TOPSHOP, which i usually fail to buy anything from it....i was looking for pants there, but tis time there were oni office formal pants...Topshop in sunway pyramid didnt haf much choices in fact... then...when i was browsing thru, i saw one very normalsimpleplain jeans....i jz simply took it n went for a try, eh, not bad wei... mayb it was bcuz i didnt buy anything yet n i was so desperate(i told u i was unconscious)...i decided to buy it! n wat the heck tat there r no discount on it while it was having a SALE actually...it costs me RM178!! after buying it, i was soooo satisfied, but when i think back again, the jeans was actually having the same colour, almost-same-cutting wif my another jeans from Levis, why on earth i still buy it???!!!! ok nvm.. SPENT means SPENT!

then i had bought 2 shirts and 1 homely shorts from other shops, which the price r not worth it oso! wat the heck... furthermore, we went to the Fish Market to haf our lunch+dinner, n it costs me RM109.15!!! arrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhh, how m i going to explain to my parents where my money goes, i think i'll haf to "ikat perut" for next half month...

yesterday i went KLCC again... bought some comestic products from M.A.C and a pair of low heels since i couldnt wear high heels yet =.= ...alamak, forgive me my daddy mummy, im nt a notti gal, i aint spending like didnt think of how hard daddy earns money, sob sob...i promise, i ll spend very wisely after tis shooping!

however..spending money on shopping is GREAT...eh hem...

my college life is occupied by Self Abuse Matriculation (SAM)

2006-08-02T21:02:00.000+10:00

college life, college life...since how long ago i dint feel the joy of my college life dy?
stil rmbr how i was looking forward my college life in kay elle..n how i enjoyed it in the beginning of tiz year...

now, it is all bout STRESS

i'll share my internal assesment schedule wif u all ...

starting on July:

19/7 Specialist math common test 3 DONE
24/7 Math mini project Day 1 DONE
25/7 Math mini project Day 2 DONE
26/7 Math mini project Day 3, Physics practical test 1 DONE
27/7 Math mini project Day 4 DONE
31/7 Accounting common test 3 DONE

August:
1/8 Math common test 3 DONE
2/8 ESL Text production Day 1, Physics practical test 2
3/8 ESL Text production Day 2
4/8 ESL Text production Day 3
9/8 Physics common test 3
10/8 Acccounting assignment
15/8 Specialist math common test 4

September:
6/9 Math common test 4
7/9 Math Directed Investigative 2(1)
8/9 Math DI 2(2)
11/9 Specialist math DI 1
12/9 Specialist math DI 2

22/9 Trial Exam
25/9 Trial Exam
26/9 Trial Exam
27/9 Trial Exam
28/9 Trial Exam S-H-I-T!!!!!! tiz is my 18th BIRTHDAY n i haf to sit for EXAM!!!!!!!!!! thinking of throwing a party, but its hopeless now...ggrrrrrrrrr.........
29/9 Trial Exam

So now...think wise b4 u join SAM programme(Well it should be South Australian Matriculation in fact).... IT-WILL-MAKE-YOU-CRAZY!!

i wanna go shopping!! i so wish my class has more gals ...to gossip wif me, share fashion info wif me, go shopping wif me and kinda things.... i wan more more more more n more gal frens to chill out!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wan a BIG gals family!!!
im getting not-close wif my classmates...nothing to share n talk bout... well, perhaps we r all overloaded? i so wanna b as crazy as b4 when i was in sec sch, FRENS, plz let me feel da college-life.....

An apologize to YOU..

2006-08-01T21:39:00.000+10:00

Baby im sorry
sorry that i hurt you
i didnt mean to let go

i'll hold u
never let go
never ever let go anymore

as long as u hold me, too
i would b urs 4eva
i'll let the whole world know
u r my dear
u r my oni one
n u r my boyfriend!
Jimmy Kong,
oni YOU, no one else!

Baby believe in me,
n be confident in me,
never doubt bout me,

n i'll, then
hold you
never let go
never ever let go anymore...

*i promise*

| View | Add Favorite

guys, do u kno how to use the words "slt / btch" appropriately?

2006-07-31T13:15:00.001+10:00

well..the accounting test was actually quite easy, but i was stuck by my runnin nose, finished the paper in rush n didnt reali answer the theory question well...

*i jz heard sumthin funny today..n it started off like tis...

Tiz guy saw tiz gal in tiz place...n tiz guy went to tiz gal n ask for her name gentlely, tiz gal was shy/stoned/frightened/speechless..watever lar, jz didnt kno how to answer, n tiz gal asked for her housemate's help, n her housemate told the guy: "u ll see her again if got fate"

Then tiz gal meet tiz guy sumtimes in college...at first tiz guy smile at tiz gal n tiz gal smiled back too...but after tat...tiz guy was no more so frenly n tiz gal didnt bother much, too..

tiz day, tiz gal heard her fren saying dat tiz guy complained about her. "i kept on asking her name but she didnt want to tell, wat the..." tiz guy said. well.. tiz guy had only asked tiz gal ONCE. So, tiz gal didnt wan to bother bout it, too. She knows herself is nt a frenly gal, n she doesnt kno how to make frens, so she thought tiz was her own fault, but she didnt expect tiz would happened....

another day, tiz guy called tiz gal a slut / bitch, while tiz gal had nt done anything on tiz guy... tiz guy was appeared to be quite gentleman to tiz gal at first, but nt after tiz happened. He called tiz gal a slut / bitch without knowing her.

-end of the story-

tiz are guys...quiet n shy gals are slut / bitches, n when a guy failed to get a gal's name or number, he calls the gal a slut / bitch... hmm..sounds logic for guys huh? well, the grapes that u couldnt get would always b sour...

tats all for now, blogging in college is nt wise since the line is damn slow...

Conclusion: Be a slut / bitch if u don wan ppl call u a slut / bitch.

Guys VS BiAtchy Gals

2006-07-30T21:57:00.000+10:00

guys like "pretend-able" biAtchy gals , huh?
normally biAtchy gals r frenly and sexy to guys, huh?
sl*t r more appealing, huh?
yea...biAtchy gals r HOT, but elegant ladies who r quiet n shy r jz too snobbish n arrogant for guys, huh?
hmm...yea, guys don kno how to judge gurls.....huh?
they r blinded by biAtchy gals......huh?
pity unconscious men...
poor senseless males...
jz to sound out watever had jz played on my mind suddenly today
*no offence*

*sigh*
13 hours later i ll sit for accounting test...wish myself good luck... =.=

effects of too much pressure

2006-07-29T17:12:00.000+10:00

jz finished specialist math common test 3 last week, n tis week was damn intensive
i had got mini project for math studies from monday to thursday+physics practical test on wednesday, we're reali overloaded n under pressure...

im so weak in statistic chapters since i miss out too many classes,n i was so lazy to do revision and exercises...but well..it was..still..ok lar...but most probably wont b doin as good as previous mini project -_-

next week im going to haf accounting and math tests on both monday n tuesday+ESL text production from wednesday to friday, swt...n specialist math common test 4 is coming on 15/8...wat da heck! no wonder so many of my ex-classmates quited SAM, the Self Abuse Matriculation.

i don feel like studying at all...from 11am to 3pm i only managed to flip about 2 pages of accounting text book... *swt gao gao*

argghhh....i wanna enjoy life to the fullest, chill to the max!! i had aredi more than one month being so lifeless bcuz of my leg, nw here comes so many assignments,tests,and projects... i wanna go maison and genting highlands as my dear promised to bring me go.. i wanna go shopping b4 the sales end!!

was standing in front of the mirror and studying on my hair since i was bored by the accounting text book.......kinda hate my new hair style now, the stupid so called professional hairstylist suggested the colour for me, the results are kinda "low standard"...when i went to my fren's saloon to do treatment, she said that my hair was totally spoilt, n the colour is reali not suitable for me, yea i think brownish-red colour suit me better, which the professional hairstylist said its nt my colour! damn him...furthermore he didnt do a good job...con me $250++.... -____- i wan my black long hair back.....at least it made me look so goody goody and its *simple and nice*... now i look like lalamui, n ya a malay lalamui...my fren said so >"<

well back to reality, got to study now anyway, jz feel so bored n simply blog, all craps..hehe, sorry to the readers =p

conclusion: im sooooo crazy over mcdonald recently!! i wan my twist, french fries, nuggets and Fillet-o-fish!!!! i wan it now!!

15 things i feel about wif my broken leg

2006-07-27T20:00:00.000+10:00

was "stonning" for quite long in front of my laptop, n i do not kno wat to do, browsing thru ppl's frenster's profile and blog.... OH! My Blog!

yaya, i'll update now.

15 things i feel about after i went thru wif my broken leg (refer to http://www.trickflip.net/wordpress/2006/07/02/double-kill/)

1. Feel so short
the first thing i cannot accept is , I-CANT-WEAR-HIGH-HEELS! wtf, i'd been wearing it since i was in form 2, n now u ask me to wear slipper to college?? NO WAY! but..alrite, i don wanna sprain my leg again... stupiak... so short...

2. Feel so left out
3 days didnt go to college only but i was so *tsk* insecure. i will miss out 3 classes per subjects, meaning 3x5=15 classes!! wat the...after went bac to college, i totally blur bout every single words dat the lecturer said, i was so... wan-to-die!!!! haf to spend much time to catch up...

3. Feel so lazy
miss out too many classes...i slept at home for da 3 days, after went bac to college, since i didnt understand anything, i was so lazy to catch up everything, wat more for those new things that the lecturers had taught? *nonsense*

4. Feel so embarrased
It was so NOT a good thing to go to college wif crutches kkkk? my goodness.... go on stairs up and down, its killing me.

5. Feel so lonely
u kno wat..its kinda sad when u were walking alone, left behind by ur frens... no one waiting for you...when ppl lookin at u , as if they're so sympathize u..when ur fren dun wan to help u "da bao" during breaktime..being hungry alone in the so-silent class... ur frens walk very fast in front, n don wan to wait for u when u go downstairs very exhaustingly, i was SO... lonely. Where's my frens???? okok...some of u might helped me....thx alots...

6. Feel so hopeless
i was so excited dat i can perform on the opening act for Intercollege Dance Competition!!!! i was one of the crews, n oso dancing crews, performing on the song of BUTTONS by The Pussycat Dolls, it was kinda sexy dance...which was my FIRST time to perform on, which i'd been asking my frens to come n support me, which i had practise so hardly...n now...*ruined*....)(*&^^&%&^ damn my broken leg...on the dance competition dat day, it was sooooo successful n it was sooooooo crowdy, n it was soooooooo fun!! the party time, all of our crews dancing crazily on da dance floor whereas me... standing alone bside, seeing them dancing wif watery eyes, n in a broken leg in a pair of slipper, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz , kena stepped summore as a result of too many ppl!! OUCH!

7. Feel so useless
i cant even go to toilet!! i couldnt squat, i need stool to sh*t...*oops*...n i haf to go upstairs to my housemate's room's toilet, in da first few days, my dear had to carry me all da way up to let me go to the toilet..ouch..feel so heavy... u ll find it very hard to bathe, change clothes, n many stuff u cannot do, like a cacat one... *useless*

8. Feel so fat
try to think of the result of sitting too much, lying too much on da bed, carried by ppl too much, walk too less, move too less, and eat too much(thx to my dear -_-).. yea...the effect would make me jump off from somewhere on the top of KLCC, yea...gain weight, *&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;*&^$$#^%*.... GRRRRRR.....................

9. Feel so ugly
ok...besides walking wif crutches to the college...i was walking in kinda ugly movement bcuz i was not used to the crutches, n i couldnt wear nicely bcuz it would made me inconvenient while walking, i've to wear kinda HUGE shirts...n of cuz u CANT wear skirt wif ur ELEPHANT-look right leg and...ya... u haf to wear slippers >"<

10. Feel so SUEI
i wonder who ll b more suei than me in tis year....double kill in one day ok(refer to the link above)... so ngam sprained my leg b4 im going to perform dancing..so ngam i had a quarrel wif my dear b4 i sprained my leg....n after dat, accident twice, n once of the twice i was in da car, spending $1000++ to repair the car weiiiiii......... i would reali like to use mr.woon's moto now...C-E-L-A-K-A!!

11. Feel so cannot-shopping
oh my goodness!! S.A.L.E!! sale sale sale!! everywhere oso on sale!! n I-COULDN'T-GO-SHOPPING bcuz i cant walk for long!!!!!!!! i was so numb staying alone in hotel while my sister n my mother enjoying shopping in Bukit Bintang.....*PHIU*.........

12. Feel so wasted-of-TrueFitness
i had jz signed up for TrueFitness which i plan to go for yoga class n gym daily, n i had made a long plan on my diet...n it made me pay $160++ per month....n now....ok, tell ur mom u will go for gym in crutches? *slaughter*

13. Feel so lifeless
okay, u noe why

14. Feel so thankful
im so thankful tat i was borned in a complete body...i got a pair of complete eyes, complete ears, complete mouth, complete nose, complete hands n complete legs(er....not now...) sooooooo grateful...thank god n thank mum...

15. Feel so hang-fok
yea...im sooooo hang fok...my dear was taking care of me for one week, sacrificing many things...staying by my side all da while in the week, never leave me even a while b4...so patient, so carefully... help me whenever i need him, n never complain of tiredness...wipe away my tears when i felt so useless,sad,lonely,scared,disappointed n helpless....muuuaacckkss.....thx alots dear... *Je tai'me* =)
n of cuz...my parents...my father called me from U.S since he couldnt come n see me, sob sob, so touched...my mother was so long-winded but it sounds so *caring* to me....my sister came to fetch me out for dinner...n so on....
*I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!*